Jokes / Joke du jour!

I know, right?

I also thought hungry for junk sounded like one an older sibling managed to slip through the net 😄

A refuse collector friend of mine has been suffering during lockdown
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They feel down in the dumps

a jockstrap manufacturer friend of mine has sadly passed away
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at the funeral everyone said how supportive he'd been

For normal Covid, you get a jab. For the Indian variant, you get a Punjab.

A pun jab? Some on here will get the needle with a comment like that.

They deserve a stinging rebuke.

A dog owner friend of mine gives their dog the run of the kitchen and lets him prepare all his own meals, to his own favourite recipes.
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He's a cooker spaniel.

Couldn’t resist

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Batman: ‘it’s been a long day Alfred, please fill up the bathtub’

Alfred: ‘Master Bruce, what is a htub?’

A couple of campanologist friends of mine are having marital problems
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It's been one ding dong after another

Very good :-)

No sheepdogs down the park. It's a ban collie day.

My friend had a really depressed dog, I asked him what was up with the dog, he told me she is fine, it's a melancollie

The urge to sing ‘a lion sleeps tonight’ is always just a whim away

Edit: crap. Repost. But this version is better - doesn’t need the other ‘whim away’s

Two Tunnocks Caramels bump into each other in the Glasgow Airport arrivals lounge. One says to the other: "How long have you been a wafer?"

All this talk of a new variant every week is getting ridiculous now! What’s next? Naming future waves after countries?!
Tell you something, if there is a Mexican wave I certainly wont stand for it...

A: Oh, you're autistic?
B: Yes.
A: Does that mean you take everything literally?
B: No, that's kleptomaniacs.

The more I hear about inverse proportion, the less I like it.

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Granddad joke.

Yorkshire Granddad joke.

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My Nan hates her new stair lift. Drives her up the wall.

It's her Nanna Stannah.

Made me lol anyway.

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