Bike Anti-Porn - When Things Go Wrong

nightmare fuel

Where's the cassette?

Single speed bruh. That's a $500 chain tensioner.

I present to you, the Ti Shitting Dog, a bicyclepubes inspired gravelwank, featuring Prollydrool™

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Gross

Would make a decent beach cruiser for a tall person with the right build

The circular section that is the top tube joined with the chainstays reminds me of this:

http://www.roundtail.ca/main/the_bikes

I made this lol

It’s an Age thing, you wouldn’t understand.

you wouldn’t understand

You’re right, I can not get my head around this:

Some bikes have a timeless elegance about them that is nothing to do with fashion. Sometimes it is about appropriate no nonsense design. […] The frames keep it real with steel. The unique floating seat and convex top tube, coupled with the steel frame make for a flexible incredibly comfortable ride. The geometry provides a sure-footedness not found on most modern road bikes. No steep angles causing a skittish ride to be found here. A compliant yet responsive ride is guaranteed.

The design, whilst contemporary has an old understated class.

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It might be safe, but I'd like to have a bit more seatpost in my frame, and some more frame to put it in

The frames keep it real with steel

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I wonder what the thinking was around going for a quill stem, it is a quill right?

Just be prepared to spend hours chatting and having your photograph taken with the bike as on-lookers ooh and ahh over your freedom machine. You will indeed be safer on the road with cars slowing right down to take a look at your design icon.

I wonder what the thinking was around going for a quill stem

Timeless elegance of course!

Of course, silly me

Don't get me wrong, I think bikes like this can be good if done by commission for a rider that wants a bike to look like that. It is always interesting to see some funky shaped, one off piece of muddled tubing that doesn't have much mechanical advantage or is particularly appealing to anyone but the builder and the rider, like a Dear Susan. But the marketing write up just reads like a sad/funny appeal to convince people otherwise.

flexible incredibly comfortable ride. The geometry provides a sure-footedness not found on most modern road bikes. No steep angles causing a skittish ride to be found here. A compliant yet responsive ride is guaranteed

All sorts of weird design choices use this spurious justification, whether in one-off steel joke bikes or the very highest volume mass market crabon fribé. In practice, unless a bike is seriously wrong, any such issues which do exist can be solved simply, cheaply and far more effectively by using the right tyres at the right pressure.

Anyone who has ridden fixed gear will tell you that it is back to basics cycling. It puts you at one with your surroundings and nature.

tbf to the person, you don't have to change much for this to sound like it's from any big bike brand

Some bikes have a timeless elegance about them that is nothing to do with fashion. Sometimes it is about appropriate no nonsense design. […] The frames keep it cool with carbon. The unique "floating seat" (patent pending) and convex seat tube, coupled with the carbon frame make for a flexible incredibly comfortable ride. The geometry provides a sure-footedness not found on most modern road bikes. No overly steep angles causing a skittish ride to be found here. A compliant yet responsive ride is guaranteed to make you feel like one of the team.

The design, whilst contemporary has an old understated class.

Nope.

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https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/153662538355

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Like it’s actively looking to take offence

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But the marketing write up just reads like a sad/funny appeal to convince people otherwise.

Doesn't look like many people found it that convincing - https://www.thegazette.co.uk/notice/3626453

Yikes, can't help but feel for them if they actually believe what was written down and pumped money into it.