Jokes / Joke du jour!

Another fuckin wooden ball.

Would it kill the makers of avocados to include a different toy? Like a mood ring or a novelty eraser?

Bang

I once took my cat to the vet, the receptionist asked for the name and I replied “Edwards.”. “That’s an odd name for a cat!” she said. I realised my mistake and gave the cat’s name.

For her next visit the next week I was prepared and gave her name, tho it was a different receptionist. We went in for the treatment, no problem. I called out goodbye as we left and she replied “Goodnight Mr Smudge”.

A friend of mine has just sold all their snow white memorabilia
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They've made a seven figure sum

I've just won a weather forecasting competition
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I beat the raining champion

Popeye is in trouble with Ferdinand II of Aragon and Isabella I of Castile
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He's facing the spinich inquisition

A friend of mine has just returned from a sea monster tour off the coast of Norway
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They had a kraken time

Secret microphones found in the US government's new fleet of Tesla diplomatic stretched limos.
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Reporters are calling it ElonGate

We hear about Boomers, Millenials, etc, but what should we call the next generation, who aren't yet born?
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Generation Eggs

Five french sailor friends have gone missing
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Their vessel cinq without trace

An English cat (called One, Two, Three) and a French cat (called Un, Deux, Trois) have a race across the channel. Which cat won?

One, Two, Three. Because Un, Deux, Trois, Quatre, Cinq

I've had a Spanish bathroom fitted
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It's got cuatro cinco

Reminds me of this one.

A Spanish man who spoke no English went into a department store...
A Spanish man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks. He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him.

"Quiero calcetines" said the man.

"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here." said the salesgirl.

"No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines." said the man.

"Well, these shirts are on sale this week." declared the salesgirl.

"No, no quiero camisas. Quiero calcetines." repeated the man.

"I still don't know what you're trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack." offered the salesgirl.

"No, no quiero pantalones. Quiero calcetines." insisted the man.

"These sweaters are top quality." the salesgirl probed.

"No, no quiero sueter. Quiero calcetines." said the man.

"Our undershirts are over here." fumbled the salesgirl, beginning to lose patience.

"No, no quiero camisetas. Quiero calcetines." the man repeated.

As they passed the underwear counter, the man spotted a display of socks and happily grabbed a pair. Holding them up he proclaimed "Eso sí que es!".

"Well, if you could spell it, why didn't you do that in the beginning?" asked the exasperated salesgirl.

That is excellent

Memes repost

I thought it was pretty good when I started learning Spanish, now I know a little more and have read it again the bloke would probably say Este or estos , not eso and the rest doesn't make too much sense, but I still like it.

I think I'm in that sweet spot of GCSE Spanish from a decade or two ago to know enough to get it and not enough to pick holes in it!

Two Spanish firemen. Jose and Hose B...

I was watching the running of the bulls a few years back when all the runners tried to dive into a narrow passageway but got stuck and ultimately gored by the bulls.

Just goes to show you shouldn't put all your Basques in one exit.

Haha! Basques in one exit, proper LOL

A friend of mine who's known as ' the love machine ' told me
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Sadly it's because I'm terrible at tennis

I had to complain about my neighbours playing tennis
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They were making such a racquet

I attended the funeral of a friend who died on court having been hit by a tennis ball
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It was such a lovely service

What do you call a women lying in the middle of a tennis court?
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Annette