Jokes / Joke du jour!

That feeling where the shipment of German sausage you ordered has been held up by Brexit chaos and may spoil before it reaches you.

Wurst case scenario.

I've never sausage a terrible pun.

love it

Lucky it wasn't a Wurst Käse scenario.

That is a blood-curd link idea.

More like
One takes things, literally, and the other takes things literally.

As speech patterns. I think.

Where the bit in italics is a beat after things, giving an uplift/exclamation/ that thing people do to emphasise in enunciation too. And then the final literally is deadpan.

We can just wait for fizzers to come along.

vg

I was bored over Christmas, so swapped all the wrappers around in a box of Celebrations.
My mate was so cross they got their Snickers in a Twix.

A Parisian friend of mine with mental health problems keeps jumping into the river
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They've been diagnosed as in Seine

A cross eyed friend of mine is having marital difficulties
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They've been seeing people on the side

A nuclear scientist friend of mine 's favourite lunch is
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Fission chips

A mathematician friend of mine couldn't afford to buy lunch today
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They could binomial

A friend of mine who thinks they are a plant has been losing weight
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They've been having light lunches

A golfing friend of mine told me they prefer a couple of
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Sand wedges for lunch

Bon!

Tres bon

Those protesting lorry drivers could switch from seafood to snails. That way they’d be taking less cargo to France.

Would rep.

Think that would only make the queues more sluggish

A french Malacologist friend of mine had to call AA homestart today
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As he couldn't make his car go

An investor friend of mine told me to invest in bonds
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I've bought 100 goldfinger dvds

A friend of mine has been hospitalised after choking on the style section of the sunday times
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They'd been told to eat more supplements

Eddie the eagle Edwards has been rushed to hospital
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His family were left with no alternative after he went downhill fast

A friend of mine made lots of money clearing leaves from gardens
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They were raking it in