Jokes / Joke du jour!

A waste management friend of mine is suffering from depression
.
.
They're down in the dumps

I can give you the cause of anaphylactic shock in a nutshell

I waited an hour for my starter so I complained: I mean it’s not rocket salad

I went to a pub quiz in Liverpool, had a few drinks so wasn’t much use. Just for a laugh I wrote The Beatles or Steven Gerrard for every answer … came second

A friend of mine has just started as a bin lorry operative
.
.
.
There was very little initial training but they're picking it up as they go along

Excellent

A friend of mine has found love via a dating website for castanet enthusiasts
.
.
.
They just clicked

A roadside drainage expert friend of mine told me his wife has left him
.
.

He's been ditched

I got carried away reorganising my herbs and spices today
.
.
.
I completely lost track of thyme

An ex criminal friend of mine has got a job waving the flag at the end of formula one races
.
.
In spite of a checkered past

This morning I dropped my andrew ridgeley mug just after my george michael picture fell off the wall
.
.
.
It was a double whammy

None of my smartphone apps alerted me about the attempted coup in the United States. I'd opted out of putsch notifications.

Perfect!

..

1 Attachment

A friend of mine was hoping to study marsupials
.
.
.
But they didn't have sufficient koalafications

I could never see the value of orthopaedic footwear
.
.
.
But now I stand corrected

A software developer friend of mine has been unwell
.
.
Thankfully they are feeling much beta

A dev friend of mine has a book about databases being released soon, and he already has a SQL in the pipeline

I thought you worked in tech yourself, Tim. It's the continuous delivery.

You sprinted in with that

Hi Bruce I hope all is well with you
.
.
.
I write jokes for a living

I'm glad there wasn't a massive pun thread, it could have turned into a right scrum.

I for one wouldn't jira that pun

A elderly gentleman passes his neighbors' house. Surprised to see him outside for the very first time since the beginning of the lockdown AND on his bike too, she asks 'Whereabouts are you going?'.
.
.
'To the cemetery' he replies .
.
.
'And who's going to bring the bike back?' she asks.