Jokes / Joke du jour!

Just found out that A Tale of Two Cities was originally serialised in two local newspapers.

It was The Bicester Times, it was the Worcester Times.

Chapeau.

That reminds me of the time I was in a cocktail bar and asked the barmaid for a Double Entendre so she gave me one

I know it's old and posted in this thread years ago, but:
"I saw an advert for a sexual innuendo competition.
I was thinking of entering my dad"

Ha!

The inventor of the sexual innuendo has sadly passed away today.

His wife is taking it really hard.

There's an innuendo competition in the local paper. I'm thinking about entering my dad.

oops, too late

Saw a Facebook ad about a local innuendo competition.
I'm going to go wank off my dad now.

No it's Austin Metropolitan on a virus. This is a Ka

Lent. Not the best time of the year for Rick Astley.

Have we all just been RickRolled?

LOL

The wife's leaving me and taking the kids, due to my obsession with horse racing... and they're at the gate now... and they're off!!

That's funny, my wife is leaving me because of my obsession with acting like a news anchorman.

More on that after the break.

Ha, my wife's leaving me too.

My wife is also leaving me. Apparently my obsession with Star Wars has gone too far.

All I had to say when she told me, was 'may divorce be with you'.

I went into Boots and walked over to a person stood behind the counter.

"Hello, can you tell me what's good for coronavirus?"

"Ammonia cleaner"

"Oh sorry, I thought you worked here"

I have been practicing safe sex

I've had a hand sanitizer fitted to the bedroom wall

Hahaha

My wife said she's tired of my obsession with TV detective duos and we should split up

I said good plan, we can cover more ground that way...

I should have predicted that my wife would leave me because of my obsession with simplifying fractions.

Hindsight is 1.

My wife said she was going to leave me unless I stopped doing my flamingo impressions.

In the end I just had to put my foot down.

My wife left me because I think I'm a Transformer.

"Wait, I can change!" I said.

"There you go again" she said.

My wife left me because I am insecure.

No wait. She’s back. She just went to make a cup of tea.

My girlfriend left me, she accused me of cheating and I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.