Any question answered...

Get the Alfine tensioner and live with the aesthetics.

Does it work fixed? I can't do SS as it's a 6-bolt cog.

Not recommended.

No possibilities of a magic gear? You could file the dropouts a bit if it's for a beater (assuming your Marin?)

Possibly... According to the calculator 53/18 should be about perfect. But I've just put on knobblies and that ratio is going to kill me especially if I have to ride it off road. I was hoping there'd be some sort of solution that means I can have an off-road ratio and an on-road ratio, or a knobbly ratio and a slick ratio, or just be able to swap out the chainring when I'm feeling especially tired or something.

I haven't actually been riding it fixed because it's set up 1x at the moment and I don't have any quick links yet and I can't be arsed to break and rejoin the cable several times - it takes me like 30 mins to press a pin back in. I've got some quick links on the way so it'll be easier to mess about with it then.

Having said all that riding fixed off-road sounds like an absolute nightmare so I'm not sure this is a productive use of my time. I'm fact this whole 1x/fixed option is a bit stupid but for some reason I feel like it'd be really nice to have a backup fixie option in case my freehub or derailleur or shifter dies and I'm up in the hills 15 miles from home; just flip the wheel around, remove a section of chain and I'm away again. Especially since I already ride around with the 6-bolt cog on the wheel. None of those things have happened to me (although my friend's freehub died once on a ride, which was a nightmare) but a lot of the parts are all random cheap crap bits off eBay so they're probably not especially reliable.

Edit: to add, the dropouts are semi-horizontal, about 2 cm long, so I think a little bit of filing might be all I need to get enough wiggle room. But filing the frame is obviously the last resort.

Cheers! I tried to reply a couple of times but something kept going wrong.

Probably going to try the nature reserves and maybe a plantation cottage near Lafayette. So Lafayette will just be a day / eating out.

We were going to have all day Thur, Fri, Sat in N.O. but neither of us are great partiers anymore, so I'm wondering if we'll get bored.

@andyp - noted.

Is there any downside to chucking drops on a hybrid like this?

https://rover.ebay.com/rover/0/0/0?mpre=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.ebay.com%2Fulk%2Fitm%2F391935162393

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TT might be a bit long, you'd probably need a rather short stem. Also, STIs don't work with V-brakes, so you'd either need mini-Vs or travel agents seeing as this particular frame doesn't have canti holders (could use cantis as well obviously, or drop V levers and separate shifters with the V-brakes)

Good points.

As an alternative to STI's you could use Tektro RL520 for the brakes and bar ends for shifting. This is definately the budget option but can work well.
http://www.chainreactioncycles.com/tektro-rl520-drop-bar-brake-levers/rp-prod34840

https://www.evanscycles.com/shimano-6480-ultegra-8-speed-bar-end-shifters-00102173

If you size down on the frame (and probably get a highrise stem) you could make it work fairly well - and cheap, if you use a setup like @freezing77 suggests.

Just eat crawdads and shrimp etouffée until you explode. Then move on to the jambalaya and and gumbo (avoiding any arguements about filé).

I was hoping there'd be some sort of solution that means I can have an off-road ratio and an on-road ratio, or a knobbly ratio and a slick ratio, or just be able to swap out the chainring when I'm feeling especially tired or something.

What you need is a dingle speed. Two chainrings, two cogs (not sure if this would be advised with spacers and long bolts on a disc mount), and two gears with the same chain length (i.e 53/18 and 49/22).

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Nice idea!

(...stolen now...)

stolen

Might need a bit more development to be practical, some sort of washer under the turning nut probably wouldn't go amiss.

I already have two chainrings on there and the chainline with the middle ring is awful... But I'll investigate; 46/18 and 42/22 might be pretty nice

Is there a BT / phoneline issues thread or will this one do?

Quick release in a horizontal dropout is a no-no?

no, a decent closed-cam QR (like Shimano/Campag, etc) will suffice.

Go freewheel man, there's the White Industries Dos Uno - a freewheel with the option of 2 teeth counts.

Can't as it's 6-bolt!

Can't as it's £115!

ftfy

I didn't get far through the googling process. But yeah definitely not worth it for a backup option on a POS bike

What would be causing my drivetrain (Shimano 105 5800) to squeak loudly in all the gears?

Happens when pedalling, both sitting and standing. Stops when not pedalling.

Have you cleaned it? Always a good start.

If it's happening in all gears then I'd suspect the jockey wheels need looking at.