Jokes / Joke du jour!

podiatrician
A doctor that fixes kid feet
My kids walkin' funny, I'm taking him to the podiatrician

Podiatrists.

String em up the sick bastards.

I went to se a child psychologist when I was younger

He was shit, but then he was only twelve

I went to the doctor with a steering wheel lodged on my cock

He said whats the problem

I said it's driving me nuts

Are steering wheels responsible for 'driving', though? Or is it part of a range of controls (pedals, gear stick) that need to be operated by an agent in order to be considered 'driven'? Aren't his nuts just being steered (and even then, that would require outside intervention)?

I went to the doctor with a steering wheel lodged on my cock

He said whats the problem

I said it's driving me nuts

He said Are steering wheels responsible for 'driving', though? Or is it part of a range of controls (pedals, gear stick) that need to be operated by an agent in order to be considered 'driven'? Aren't your nuts just being steered (and even then, that would require outside intervention)?

It might be fair to assume that if it's stated that the wheel is 'driving' the nuts, that full control via the wheel is inferred. I don't know what the set-up would be, but i think we should give @winnifred1849 the benefit of the doubt: they are the owner of the aforementioned nuts and so presumably have some knowledge of their guidance system.

EDIT: reload fail - much funnier retort issued in meantime

Ha!

Lame office chuckle issued, ta!

(the variant I'm familiar with is of a pirate with the ship's wheel, allowing for a satisfying 'Arghhh' and legitimising the me/my confusion. But obviously still fails the 'is it actually driving anything?' test.)

how about:

I went to the psychiatrist to see if they could help with my paranoia that i'm going to be hit in the crotch with a golf club when I'm not expecting it, I know its irrational but I'm worried it's going to drive me nuts.

can't tell if veiled threat for spoiling thread or legit attempt to make joke work (or both).

the second one, I think

@hatbeard singlehandedly ruining humour for everyone else

Two men are on a boat. They have three cigarettes, but nothing to light them with.

So they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Two men are on a boat. They have three cigarettes, but nothing to light them with.

So they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

It becomes three cigarettes lighter.
or was that supposed to be the fun part?

@hatbeard singlehandedly fixing humour for everyone else

ftfy

Triggering Article 50 without a real plan for what to do next.

Communism jokes are not funny.

Unless everyone gets them.

Yeah, but what's driving their nuts?

They all are

And only those who deserve it.

^^ WOW

What do you get if you cross a joke with a retorical question?