Jokes / Joke du jour!

What do you get if you cross a caterpillar with a chicken?
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Drumsticks for everyone!

What's the difference between a joke and a rhetorical question?

Every 60 seconds in Africa...
...a minute passes.

I just had a text telling me I'd either won £500 or a trip to Vegas to see an Elvis tribute concert, and I had to ring a number to choose which I wanted.

When I rang it, it said "press one for the money, two for the show".

I went to see an Elvis impersonator but he'd left the building.

Just got back from a Beyoncé concert to find all the washing up in a pile on the left.

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I'm viewing a house with period features this afternoon.
She hates that nickname.

^
^^^

Tres bon. (Schtolen)

^^ reeeeeeeeeeee post

but still good

Also stolen from @Pundamentalism on Twitbags
https://twitter.com/Pundamentalism/timelines/579635370016522240

'Is that your dog?'
'No it's adopted. My wife and I were unable to conceive a dog naturally'

I went to see my doctor yesterday and he told me that I have to stop masturbating.
When I asked why, he said "I am trying to examine you".

Six shortest books in the World

1. Everything Men know about Women
   
2. George Foreman's Book of Baby Names
   
3. How to Sustain a Musical Career by Art Garfunkel
   
4. Italian Book of Heroes
   
5. French Guide to Hospitality
   
6. Philanthrophy by Donald Trump
   

I like it.

Can someone explain Italians and heroes to my intellect pls?

it's along the same lines as famous french victories

"It's very short". Because Italians are all short, right?

Im changing my name to 'Back'

  I  made three phone calls and they all replied.                                      'I will ring you back'

My Dad used to beat me with the telephone as a kid.

I was always on the receiving end.

That joke made my dad

Woops...

What's Emile Zola's favourite part of a trip to the spa?

The j'acuzzi

A favourite! Woody Harrelson's character tells it well in 'now you see me'.

what did Hannibal give to Murdoch to ease his hangover?

BAs' Berroccas...