Reprographics - The repro man blog

Thanks @Thoma & @b&d

I do find it incredible that you are able to write stuff as affecting as that, alongside stuff as fantastically funny as the previous couple. Lovely stuff (not my words, the words of Shakin' Stevens).

I really appreciate that, @5awyr - thank you!

Totally agree ^^

The levels of light and shade are remarkable and today's was especially moving, especially because I wasn't sure which way it would go until I was totally invested in it.

Yip, a blinder again GL. Get your stage virginity snapped and come to Gloucester buddy - Brewery chasing me for dates (seriously).

Brewery chasing me for dates (seriously).

Really??
I'll do Sheffield and try to get to London and Gloucester as soon as I can - not sure this one would leave the crowds rolling in the isles though!!

Very really. They love your stuff.

Very, very moving. Easily your most literary story and darkest title. You've got chops GL and they are getting better and better all the time.

Thanks @Aroogah - I'm working really hard on the writing these days, putting the hours in. I'm taking it much more seriously.
Onwards and upwards, hopefully!

In my dark and murky past, I've woken up to situations not dissimilar.

I was particularly surprised when when I went downstairs and the ex-husband/partner/significant other made me a cup of tea because he'd let himself in to pick the kids up for the weekend.

Quite an odd feeling really.

I'd have shat myself to find some gadger pottering round the kitchen.

Screamed, shat myself and fled.

I don't think you've written that into a single story yet - all three events separately, sure - but we've never had a story with that trifecta.

Was once in a lasses bedroom in an old, huge and rambling Hertfordshire house. Her room had it's own private staircase up from the ground floor.

Had her over a leather pooffe giving it the beans from behind when her dad walked in. Adjusted the blinds. Walked out without a word, and then did noisy powertool DIY at the bottom of the stairs for HOURS AND HOURS. Was about ready to climb out a window and shimmy down a drainpipe until he finally quit at around two in the morning and I could sneak out.

Happy days!

I was generally still arseholed, so he could've come and watched whilst I put in an early-morning Olympian performance and I'd have been none the wiser.

The levels of light and shade are remarkable
Easily your most literary story

Very much these. My favourite so far I think.

I reckon a compilation book of one night stands and ensuing embarrassing situations could be a winner!

Climbing out of a second floor window because a boyfriend with roid rage was coming home early from his shift on the door at some dubious "club" was definitely my closest near-death experience. She was well worth the near shart, such a beautiful girl.

Having to listen to a mate yentz some poor doxy in vast marble-clad bathroom in a hotel on the sunshine isle of Faliraki wasn't great either, especially when I went into the bathroom for a leak and there was my pal going hammer and tongs in there. Having a slash and witnessing your mate's sex face is probably best avoided. He got more annoyed than she did when I stood in the doorway roughing up a suspect...

My mate Dean was in Thailand with his mates. He had dodgy guts and went back to the room early and went to sleep.
He woke with a weird fishy smell in his nostrils and could hear this horrible noise.
He opened his eyes to see a Thai prostitute bent over him, her face inches from hers, eyes screwed up making sex noise. Her breath reeked of that powerful fish sauce. His mate was behind her, hammering away.
My mate pretended to be asleep until it was all over. When it was done his mate shook the prostitute by the hand, paid her and said, 'sorry for banging it up your arse, love.' And gave her a bit more money.
Who says chivalry is dead.

A mate of mine was in Bangkok and took two ladies of the night back to his shared hotel room.

Him and a pal had booked a suite and the the pal had gone a bit overboard earlier on with the old Sangtip whisky and gone for a disco nap. The other guy returned later on with these two girls and then things started to get a little out of hand. Each of the girls invited a couple of friends who in turn invited a couple of friends. When my pal woke up a couple of hours later, he walked into the living room area and discovered a Caligula-esque frenzy of sweating, heaving androgenous bodies all having a bash at each other.

The girls had been taking pictures with the cameras that they'd found laying around and I can tell you that it made for extraordinarily depraved viewing.

That sounds brilliant. I'd have loved a slice of that party pie, back in the day.

I don't think you would. I had straight hair until I saw those photos.

Is there still room at Sheffield gig?

I don't really know - no tickets so I'm seeing how it goes on the night! Capacity is about 30-40 at a squeeze, I think. I tight be half empty, it might be packed. Like I say, if it works I'll do other gigs, London, Leeds, Manchester and a definite at Gloucester. I can't wait!

Cheers, could wait for a Mcr gig but having followed your stories for so long am into the idea of being at your first gig even if it's in a scrum out on the street listening thru an open window... will hop train over all being well.