Boasting and bragging, the self-congratulating thread

For those who have something to crow about, no matter how big or small.

My oven blew up the other day (well, tripped the fuse board, then 20 minutes later I noticed my dinner wasn't cooking, turns out the heating element b0rked and that is what nerged my fuses)
New heating bit arrived today, whipped out the old one and fitted the new, and it all works.

I managed to wipe my own arse, and only had to change my shirt and jumper afterwards.

Just fitted mudguards in less than an hour without swearing or muttering to myself once.

Use loo roll next time

Definitely your arse and not your elbow?

Congratulations: you're on a winning streak!

Just drunk a LOT of beer...

This thread needs merging with so many others..

Tied my shoelaces this morning, well pleased

One wipe with paper, one with moist wipe.......no residue or owt

Last night I drank 2 cans of Neck Oil, 4 bottles of Broadside and I think... 1 bottle of Bishop's Finger.

Oh and a large Ardbeg Uigeadail

I am all that is man.

arsegrief pending

This thread needs merging with so many others..

Quoted for truth

I started this thread.

Thread ends.

The infamous 'ghostie'

Angel poo

Stealth turd

Ghost poo

I can eat two medium-sized jacket potatoes in a row.

Beat that!

I just called my boss a ridiculous fucknugget and I'm not getting fired for it.

6 shredded wheat bro.

up shaved and abluted ... and all before midday

I can eat infinity Mini Wheats.

My skin is so smooth.

My uncle invented plant pots.

I can spell any name in the world, e.g.;

Terry
Glenn
Alan

Can you spell Dave?