"The only good cyclists are dead ones" - Richard Nye

"James Martin is a cunt" appeared at the top of google searches.

I still cannot watch him on TV or use his recipes. Not that I'd particularly want to.

Right - I'm going to go and have it out with the cunt.

Don't forget to call him a 'Bastardo', a ‘driving swinehunt' and most importantly, a 'four-wheeled son of Beelzebub'!

Maybe all the venom could be directed towards the Press Complaints Commission: http://www.pcc.org.uk/complaints/form.html

Can people please bombard his email address with loads of gay video links

Not-so-subtle homophobia...

Just read the Times piece. He comes across as slightly feeble.

Well, as far as I'm concerned, the only good magazine editor is one who can write and judge the tone of articles...

I still cannot watch him on TV or use his recipes. Not that I'd particularly want to.

I thought he was a cockwomble before everyone else.

Your cockwombledar is clearly better than mine :)

...... under-sexed, curtain twitching housewives of Richmond.

You got any numbers?

Your cockwombledar is clearly better than mine :)

Nah I watched him on saturday morning and cooked something wrong, then I knew. Its up there with microwaving bacon.

Richard Nye: But at least the truth, is NOT among the hostages because I, Richard Nye, just happen to be here. To put his life and TALENT on the line for humanity and country... and if this should be my final broadcast...
Holly McClane: [uses stun gun on him] Amen to that, Dick!

I hope he tries to throw some litter into a bin a few feet away, but it bounces off the rim, and he wastes more effort picking it up than if he walked over to the bin in the first place

I hope he unwraps the bacon and throws the wrapper in the frying pan and the bacon in the bin, and it's his last bacon.

I hope he puts nice new white bed linen on and it's all crisp and clean and lovely, but then he spills some tea on it. Like, it's not going to stain, and it's only on the corner, but that fresh feeling is gone already - and it's only been a day.

I hope he accidentally dive-bombs in to a swimming pool one day, so that water shoots up his nose giving him that sharp back-of-the-head pain whilst his trunks fly out from under him and he is kicked out of the pool for indecent exposure.

Yeah!

Or he gets a new box of tea bags, the sort where you rip the top off to make a box with a flappy lid, but it doesn't tear perfectly on the line and a little chunk of cardboard comes off on the middle bit that's supposed to stay on, and he has to stare at his failure first thing in the morning for 240 cups of tea, which is, like, 120 days probably.

I hope he rips the next tea-bag he uses as he tears open the envelope from whence it came.

(I've done that a few times.)

I hope he leaves the house for work one day, rides down his drive, checks both ways and makes to pop off the curb, lifting the front wheel so that both tires hit the tarmac at the same time with that really satisfying, connected feeling from the simultaneous bulge of the tires - but for some reason he's not really with it and the front doesn't stay up long enough and the wheels clatter a bit and it just puts him in an off mood for the whole journey.

Oh, wait, he doesn't ride bikes...

Richard Nye: But at least the truth, is NOT among the hostages because I, Richard Nye, just happen to be here. To put his life and TALENT on the line for humanity and country... and if this should be my final broadcast...
Holly McClane: [uses stun gun on him] Amen to that, Dick!

Is that from 'Nye Hard'?

I hope he gets in his gas-guzzling automobile, goes to his supermarket, spends an hour shopping, runs it through checkout and THEN realises he's left his wallet at home. And THEN when he is driving home to fetch the wallet, his car breaks down so he can't and a cyclist passes him shouting "you swinehunt!"

I hope he goes in TKMaxx and finds some nice trousers in the CLEARANCE rail and goes to the till to check if the price is correct and the girl point blank refuses to check the price and insists the ticket price is right and he goes red in the face and leaves the trousers on the counter and stalks out and feels unsettled for the rest of the day.

This is turning in to the 'I confess' thread...

I hope he gets a paper cut on his finger.....then like a day later, picks a jalapeno out of the jar......

I hope he tears a piece of cling film off the roll, then finds it isn't quite big enough to cover the piece of food he wanted to wrap with it...

...and then the cling film gets stuck to itself so he can't find its end and he spends half an hour trying to get one square piece out of it.