Liar's Wednesday

This is one of the worst threads on lfgss

Wise words as always from DJ

(Is ramsaye putting the boot in?)

I’d never do that.

I can’t wait for the puns to start

All the capable Vikings fucked off to other places to rape, pillage and murder. Only the weak and sick stayed at home.

This is reflected in modern day Nordic culture, and explains the preponderance of death metal bands today.

How do you explain the Dutch and the slightly less than liberal Afrikaaners?

Swamp germans and heat are not a good mix.

Due to continental drift, all time zones are being moved back an hour.
To counter the inevitable chaos this would bring it has been agreed everyone country will apply a permanent "daylight saving" where they add an hour on to the timezones, leaving a net zero change.

Every single Teams call is secretly recorded by Microsoft so as they can use your face to perfect virtual reality you’s, which they will offer you via subscription next year, to appear for you so as you can get on with day drinking / bike tinkering while you work from home.

Probably not a lie though

The word 'voluntary' is derived from the 18th Century practice whereby specialist farm workers (volerers) were paid based on the number of voles they caught and killed. This was in order to stop the voles from eating stored crops.

This became a popular pastime, eventually so much so that farmers didn't have to pay the volerers for their labour. This lead to the evolution of the word as we use today and the unfortunate decline of Britain's vole population.

Denim is so named as it was first discovered and brought to market by Star Trek actor Leonard Nimmoy.

Nimmoy, on a day off from filming, found the tough and hard wearing material buried deep in the back of a lockup in Deptford. It was first sold as 'Serge de Spock' but after the shows popularity declined, it was renamed - taking the 'De' from Denise, Leonard's then fifth wife, and 'Nim' from popular TV character actor of the time, Derek Nimmo, Nimmoy's best friend and godfather to his seventh child, Tara.

Domestic carpet manufacturers build out the colour ranges for the wares using unorthodox, but genius techniques. They hire families with pets - mostly cats - and pay for the pets food. Each family gets food from a different company.

In exchange, the family agrees to send high quality images of all hairballs that are coughed up by said pets. They then take an average colour gradient from a selection of images to create the colour palettes. This is why all domestic carpets is available in a range of colours that hides cat barf well.

The Egyptians didn’t worship cats, they ate them. The ‘tomb‘ chambers in which the wrapped felines were found in their tens of thousands were franchised take-aways for the pyramid builders. Once the building was completed the remaining meals were left in situ rather than moved on as cat meat quickly spoils in the hot African sun.

Canada have issued a cease and desist order to villages all over Britain regarding the erection of Maypoles, stating the name is startlingly similar to Maple, and that Canada have the monopoly on all maple nomenclature.

Margaret Thatcher was hell-bent on destroying the mining industry to reinforce her life-long faith in the belief that we inhabit a flat earth.
For the same reason she never flew and stayed on the ground floor of Chequers and No 10.

The game Polo used to be called “Imperial”. British Army Officers adopted local games and started to standardise the rules as “Imperial Rules” or Imperial.
Horses would be pepped up between chukkas with cocaine pills flavoured with mint, eventually the cocaine was removed and the resulting sweet was called a Mint Imperial.
It was sometimes given as a suppository hence the rounded shape.

On retiring to bungalows in Royal Tunbridge Wells the Nabobs had to reduce the size of a team from 24 to 7 they called this inferior game Polo after the disappointing Mint as a joke.

Sean Bean's hair style, whilst making the movie Bravo Two Zero, was the inspiration for the beanie hat.

Most people pronounce his name incorrectly, he uses the old Yorkshire pronunciation Seen Been.

After being written out of Game of Thrones so tragically early, Sean experienced a protracted period of financial difficulty. It is said that he couldn't even afford the 20 pounds for a Sheffield United season ticket and had to watch Wednesday instead - he's never really recovered from this.

Sean Beans inherent lack of acting talent has never resulted in lack of work. In 1996 the Confederation of Reality Actors and Performers passed a Motion pertaining to inclusive diversity that ruled that all movies should include a grumpy, sour-faced Yorkshire git in cast, character or, preferably, both.
It is indeed a wonder, or perhaps a testament to his superior pecs, that I still await a call from my own agent.

He steals the show in the tea ad.

Sorry to be pedantic but the correct pronunciation is ‘sheen born’.

The Yorkshire accent is a relic from when the Danes occupied the area. Sean’s family name comes from the Danish ‘Borjnd’ which loosely translates as ‘one of moribund humour and dour visage’.

He actually used to tour as an acoustic Yorkshire folk punk singer known as Seans on t'oast.