The middle aged thread

i thought that was normal anyway!
I've taken to using moist wipes, following a diddly-doo, as the smell of coconut and Shea butter is good at masking old man odours...

Difficult to applaud with your hands behind your back

You know that saying "A stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet"?
I tend to favour "A stranger is just another cunt I'd rather not have to talk to and whose name I'll instantly forget, once I've been told it".

They don't all have to be cunts but their names will all invariably be forgotten. I thought I was flirting with a young lady in a clothes shop until she commented that I was just like her mum who always had her own carrier bags on her everywhere. Seeing a drop in car insurance premiums seems to be the only benefit of getting old aside from 10p bag savings here and there.

This post is relevant to my recent experience.

I was only this week being flirted with by a wrinkly middle-aged woman. At the time I was all like 'you wish love'. On reflection I fear she was probably younger than me. :(

I'm having a huge clearout and found these.

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You should cycle up to a Wests Beers sometime.
You'ld fit right in.

They must've learnt it from a pro. They'll go far.

Finger joints have started to hurt now (esp. middle knuckles. If they're a thing?) Not looking forward to this.

time to cut down on the port.

i have a series of blood tests tomorrow. i'm bricking it about what they might find.

Just bring the one bottle over, then.
Time to meet Arthur Ritus I fear, he's in the family :-(
Good luck with the bloods..

Just to be sure.. what are we counting as middle aged here? Not sure I am but I f**king feel like I am...

50+ ? I'm in...

How thorough?
As an avid cyclist, they should show how healthy you are.

"avid cyclist" lol.

Everyone gets the benefit of the doubt on 'The Middle Aged Thread'.

Phew! Bye....

If average life expectancy for a U.K. male is 82 years old, then middle age would be the years from 27 to 54.

I found hair sprouting out of one of my ears yesterday. My partner answered my shout of revulsion and despair with "you've had hair sprouting out of your ears for ages"

^ makes us two. My girlfriend pulls them without telling me first, often when I'm finally relaxed and nursing a pint on the couch after a busy day with the kids. Just what you need when your pulse finally drops to resting rate

go to a proper turkish barber and get them burned off. i have a guy.

I'm not sure even fire could shift them. You know those hairs you get on pork scratchings? Well, that

are you sure you're not turning into a fly?

i had a ganglion cyst aspirated yesterday. i nearly passed out.