Epic WTF

You win. Again though, are you sure it wasn't her flatmate?

Ha ha. Plenty of revelations for me in this thread today.

A friend of mine was desperate to take a shit in a shared house but the bog was being used. The house had a separate shower room and he unloaded in there and had to 'toe it down' as he so eloquently put it!!

Foffa thread >>>>>

That's nothing, a girlfriend of mine....!

Now wife, I assume

Amazing.

My friend’s younger brother was pissed up, sleptwalked across his bedroom, lifted the lid on his fairly expensive turntable and pissed all over it.

I've oddly got a few drunk-sleep-pissing stories (none involve me) but feel a Piss thread is possibly questionable.

I used to do ‘two man’ deliveries of furniture, appliances etc. It was an unwritten rule amongst us old-timers that you didn’t ask to use a customers toilet. One day I was with a new guy who left me standing in the hall of a tiny flat, between the customer and the old fridge we had to take down the stairs, while we were treated to the din of him passing the equivalent of King Kong's first big dump of the day in the customers toilet. It sounded like a navy frigate dropping depth charges and the homeowner was less than impressed by the amount of bog paper he was using too.

I once got out of bed still half asleep and pissed on a couple of bin liners in my room that I'd filled with old clothes designed for charity. I think I must have thought I was in an alley or something? Wasn't even drunk!

Remember a cider casualty at Glastonbury, packed Pyramid Stage for Fun Loving Criminals. Asleep on the ground laying on a sleeping bag. Dense crowd around him. After the band came on he suddenly stood up, whipped it out and unleashed a pretty powerful upwards and outwards yellow cable....

You've never seen a crowd collectively move away from an area faster

Just tuned in to today's edition of this thread. Some absolute gold (pun intended). Cheered up my afternoon!

("shit for tat" will be recycled in an anecdote somewhere...)

#Shit4shat

At 17yo, a mate had a bedsit that we used to all get hammered at. I slept on his floor one night, got up, pissed in his armchair, sat in it, he threw a shoe at my head, I went back to sleep on the floor. Spent all of the next day cleaning the cushions and covers in his bathtub. The filth that came out of it, god knows what went on before my infraction. Did him a favour, really.

also guilty of this while living in a shared house at uni.
apparently i walked into the living room where my flatmate had fallen asleep on the sofa.
he told me he woke up to see me wonder into the room wearing my backpack, lift the cushion up on an armchair, have a waz, then go back to bed.

#lufgusspissingcontest

Mate in halls at uni tried to piss in his sink one night from his bed. We got woken up with his yelling. His (very ill advised) piss had started without him taking his covers off and in his panic he pissed everywhere. By the time we got there it was dripping off the ceiling. We left him to clean up.

in the early 90s i worked in a 5 star hotel in Surrey. one morning i clocked the the breakfast chef - a 300lb scotchmans - plums deep in a side of smoked salmon.

no piss tho.

I hope he didn't have a suspicious wife

he wasn't the marryable sort.
still - no harm no foul.

Had a mate called Darren, he was a kinda heavy metal guy. A new flat mate moved in, also a bit rock & roll.
The go on the beers as a house to welcome new man. Next morning Darren is nursing a cup of tea and a hangover when he hears business coming from Newman’s room.
Darren goes to investigate to find the guy packing his bags and loading them into his car. He sees Darren and says “yeah yeah I get the message”
This confuses Darren and he asked WTF?
You walked into my room and pissed in my cowboy boots…ok I get it you want me gone”
Mortified Darren realises that he’d gone for a sleep sprinkle and apologises profusely. Newman calms down and agrees to stay.
Next night Darren pisses in his sock drawer

Proper LOL

From today’s Telegraph. Surely they’re just lifting shit from Viz now?

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We stayed in a cottage in the middle of the darkest pitch black countryside - not a flicker of light pollution , stars or moon. The first night and unfamiliar with the cottage lay out I had to get up for a badly needed piss . It took ages feeling around for the bedroom door handle which I never found in the end .
The following morning my wife wondered why the carpet in the corner of the room was soaking wet.

Shrug

I had a similar experience. I used to drive/manage bands on tour for a living. Did a euro tour with a grindcore band who all got fucking battered every night. The first night we stayed in a grotty squat in Ghent, the sleeping arrangement was a load of mattresses on the floor. I got woken up in the middle of the night by the vocalist getting up, stumbling around and then pissing on his mattress, getting tucked up in his sleeping bag and going back to sleep.
A few nights later when I was awoken by the same guy stumbling about, heading towards my bed with his nob out, all warnings not to wake a sleepwalker went out of the window as I desperately shouted at him to wake up. Fond memories.

Once got locked out of my Holiday Inn room while on a stag do about 10 years ago. Other guys didn't hear me hammering on the door, I was busting and had no idea where the communal lavs were. Went in the fire escape, got a new door key from reception with wet socks. Seems they just hand out room keys to wankered Irishmen with dubious odours.

I used to sleep walk a lot when I drank more heavily (mostly uni days). ms_com has stopped me walking out of the house in my pants and also found me trying to put the duvet cover on like a jumper while she was still under it.