This morning's commute and other commuting stories

Politely asked a nodder on his Brrrrompton not to pass me on my left as there wasn't really room. Explained that we have enough to worry about on our right to be giving each other shit to worry about on our left, and that if I was going so slowly then pass me on the right. He wasn't happy - absolutely sure that we have our place on the left hand side of the road and should stay there. The bit a little bit further out is for buses and motorbike, he says.

Severe case of extreme-left syndrome.

Why do I bother?/10

Oh, and Clapham to Oval was an absolute nightmare for some reason. Couldn't possibly say why...

Oh look, another clusterfucker this morning.

Why oh why do the government encourages driving?

Stepped out of the door and felt weird - like - warm. Then noticed that the sky was a kind of blue colour - odd. Then without warning a yellow glow appeared from a strange orb set up high. Pulled out on the road and was pushed by an invisible hand - I know now it's called a following wind. Spooky commuty.

Got overtaken by a tipper truck on a descent this morning, despite him only going a couple of mph faster than me, and there being several traffic islands. There's a set of traffic lights at the bottom which I am always wary of when I'm riding fixed. As I round the corner I see they are green, so offers the opportunity to blast through. I'm watching the lights, still wary of them changing so not going full blast which was very lucky since I caught out of the corner of my eyes brake lights on the the tipper truck light up as he lumbered to a dead stop AT THE FUCKING GREEN LIGHTS, right in my way. I managed to swerve to avoid him and by that time the lights were changing. I asked him why he stopped, after overtaking me on a fast descent, he mumbled something, then eventually pulled away after failing to notice they had changed again (mainly down to me).

Had I been less cautious on the descent I would have slammed into the back of him.

In cases such as this, the correct response is to drag them out of their vehicle and onto the ground, ask them very forcefully to explain to you why you just dragged them out of their vehicle, if they are unable to give a correct, blubbering response then explain their wrongdoing in explicit detail and without prejudice. Then, help up the now emotionally exhausted and vulnerable vehicle operator, give them a hug and help them back into their vehicle and send them on their way.

Oh, and take a shit on their bonnet.

In the absence of a bonnet I believe it is acceptable to climb into the cab and use the glove box.

Current trend - when I've left enough space between me and the van/hgv in front in order to see the traffic lights ahead, groups of people under/overtaking and wedging themselves into the gap, so they're staring at the back of a van and have no idea what's going on... just why?

I'm so ready to have it with someone doing that^.

You do know why, it's what we're taught to do, like riding millimetres from the kerbs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnYp4srEooI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iO7_Fq56g2c

This, and when they ask you to move up.

Proper shite cycling/driving out on display this morning, including the girl with headphones on jumping every red light from outside Brixton tube until I lost sight of her at E&C.

A number of cars driving through a crossing that I was stopped at and while people had started crossing.

Good thing, a bus driver who was indicating to pull out right, waved me pass rather then just pulling out, gave him a thumbs up and got a wave in return.

Yesterday (I think) saw a young-ish lady on a boris with the seat too low... think, wavy knees. I'm keeping back a bit around Waterloo, we're both heading south past it down toward E&C. She goes up the inside of a bus that was clearly too close for comfort (for her pace), which had started indicating. Luckily the bus driver saw her as they pulled in, slowed to a stop until she flailed past.

Caught up to her at the lights, and politely said that it wasn't a good idea to go on the inside of buses, especially when they're pulling in to a stop. She agreed, and explained she didn't see, then panicked. I justified my concern by explaining it nearly happened to me once (a half-truth), but that she should take care, and smiled.

I then proceeded to ride like an absolute tool sprinting down past the circus and cutting up taxis and buses on E&C.

I honestly don't know that we're taught to do that. Having said that, beyond having my seat held when I had my stabilisers taken off (straight into a ditch fyi) I haven't had any formal training.

Most of how you learn to drive a car should apply to how you ride your bike, save for the being more cautious thing. But leaving distances between vehicles, keeping space from parked cars etc - that's the same on a bike as it is in a car.
I guess filtering is the big difference. It's pretty obvious though? Don't ride inside a giant vehicle that squashes people. Don't people read the news?

The ASL, Cycle lane, drivers' angst at cyclist "taking up too much" room etc. is how people sadly think it's a good idea to ride like that.

Observation I made the other day while pootle home, alot of people who don't use cleats or foot retention straps have a very odd pedal style. You have people who pedal using their heel's or toes, so not much foot on the pedal, others who ride with feet pointing at 10 and 2 just looks plan awkward.

Me too - had forgotten that. Gave me a chuckle while going through the OvalCF (tm).

Don't mean to be a dick but aren't you meant to leave distance for the vehicle in front performing an unexpected stop? (Not saying he wants a right C for overtaking.)

Well I did, hence why I didn't hit him. Just didn't anticipate him stopping dead at some green lights, it was utterly inexplicable and I was more focused on the traffic lights.

I hate those lights anyway, right at the bottom on a longish descent. Means when I'm riding fixed I'm resisting the pedals the full way down, to make sure I'm not going to quickly to deal with sudden light changes. Hence why I was able to deal with a sudden lorry stopping dead like a twat

Do they have filter arrows on the lights or anything? I can think of a few where drivers can't tell apart a red light for left turning traffic with a green arrow for going straight.

it does have those lights, but it was a full green for our direction, and he was going straight on. When he stopped I first thought he was turning left but he just stopped dead. I was forced out to his right hand side, in the right turning lane where I didn't want to be, and as I did the lights changed to red. When they changed to green again they were green for straight ahead and left, red for right.

BUT when he stopped they were green for everything, even turning right

A huge nodderton of cyclists on Clapham road past the OvalCF (tm) deciding the can make it through the red lights before the lights from the Brixton Road change to green,

You can't; you slow moving, red light jumping bunch of twunts.
For a change I agreed with the motorbike rider who waved his hands at you. And just as an FYI it wasn't as a friendly wave

My house keys fell out of the saddlebag on the way in. It was only at work I realised what the noise I'd heard was.

Went back and found them but they appear to have been run over by a steamroller in proper comedy fashion.

They should have been wearing a helmet