Does anyone know anything about gardening?

@ should be unt

Image would have to change and be nsfw too.

Wasn't too sure where to post this.
Anyone got any experience of laying patio stones? As I could use a hand for a few days, cash.

I'm helping a friend do her garden in North London.
I've screened the sand (as there is a slight knotweed issue) but the stones are 600mm x 900mm.
Let me know if interested.

I was cutting my grass and the sparrowhawk paid a flying visit.
Pigeons 1 Hawk 0 (she missed all three)
I hope she's back soon.

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Very nearly done now, quite chuffed with it!

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nice.

Thanks, the weeds are a real nightmare already in theraised beds!!! This is how it was,

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Fake grass! Sad.

Have you seen the before, do they look like a gardener to you!?
Some people don't have the time

It was a failed attempt at Donald Trump humour.

Given the before, I think the after is even more impressive. Good work.

Ha sorry it's been a long day I'm shattered it didn't click.
Thanks

Strikes me as optimistic!

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Even more proof of an exceptional year for fruit;
this bush has been in situ for at least a decade, it has grown rampantly, and frequently flowered, but never before fruited.
Answer this evening.

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This evenings mystery fruit is the .........

Goji berry.

Quite a few on this frankly overgrown bush.
It fights for light with a self-fertile kiwi bush that has taken a vow of chastity,
(has flowered routinely for a decade after 4 or 5 years of nothing,
but never a fruit. Leathery leaves are good mulch after shredding).

never a fruit

Have you tried taking a paintbrush to it?

My wife has asked for a pair of gardening hand clippers for her birthday.

Any recommendations for a decent pair?

Fiskars are good, last ages.

She must meet my wife and have a word. She asked for a holiday in Turkey for her birthday and came back from our hardware store on Saturday with a set of hedge trimmers...for me!

Felco for maximum hhsb points...

We have some Stihl (I think) ones and they've lasted 7-8 years and are still as good as when we first got them.

Joseph Bentley? Reasonable quality but look more like a gift than a practical tool.

It’s October, bare root fruit tree season.

So remind me
Square hole 2ft deep
Dead cat at the bottom
Elephant shit on top of the cat
Tree in
Fill the hole with the soil mixed with more elephant shit
Jump around
More soil and shit
Jump up, jump up and stamp down
Tie tree to a stick

Did I miss anything?

Also, I got carried away on the internet so have ten trees to plant and my neighbours are running out of cats. Can I just use bonemeal? As for the elephant dung, will bags of general purpose compost do?

Oh. The. Shame.

bonemeal may attract foxes

I won't bother too much with adding anything to the hole if you have it yeah use it, staking the tree is my only concern and a little bit of movement helps the tree in the long run, putting too much goodness in the hole doesn't encourage the roots to spread out, I'm sure others will differ in this approach but it's never failed me yet and this year I plant my second tree ,

Cheers, reassuring in case I fuck up or get bored mixing the soil.

Already stunk the car out with 200l of shit.
Bonemeal will be quite deep.

Been advised to stake to 1/2 inch thick cane using loose string so will be doing that. Soil is really poor so shit and bonemeal is a must. I’ll chuck some spare bonemeal onto a neighbours lawn to keep the foxes off the tree.