Does anyone know anything about gardening?

Thanks guys. I'm going to knock up some sort of netting cover for them once I put them out.

Bloke down the pub used scaffolding netting, it looks quite thick but it's not a bad idea to keep blazing sun off.

Also you might consider fruit cages/coverings too. Birds etc will strip your plants.

Netting is also good for stopping squirrel bastards from digging up 'bulbs' (garlic, onion sets etc.)

You should also cover onions , leeks, shallots with a fine mesh (Enviomesh) when initially growing (not sure if it can come off later - I should check) to stop onion fly. Growing from sets reduces the risk of the larvae fucking shit up but does not stop it.

The other problem is, of course, slugs. They'll get at seedlings before they've even emerged (or you've had the chance to see them poking out of the ground). Beer traps (or a mix of flour, sugar and yeast) works well but needs frequent monitoring and emptying/topping up.

With netting have a think about hedgehogs. We don't have any on our allotment :( but if we did they'd be dead before too long as they do get tangled up in netting.

It seems the take home message about allotments is:
Everything will eat all your fruit and veg before you.
Cover everything up.
Kill anything that moves.

If it does grow to fruition, someone will steal it before you harvest.

or just don't bother planting anything and astroturf the whole frigging garden

We get good crops of stuff every year without resorting to killing everything that moves.

In fact, we encourage insect life as most of them are going to help keep levels of the more damaging varieties down.

Such as the Great Pear Theft of 2014. My eldest still talks about that, she was heartbroken when we went to pick the 30 pears we'd grown only to discover some rotter had stolen in and harvested them.

I think it all depends on location. My plot is under the shade of some trees and as such is a haven for slugs, squirrels and wood pigeons. The fat fuckers can't be bothered flying the meter across the path to my neighbors, who are unaffected by the shade, and have glorious crops all year round. I often arrive to see 5 of the bastards sat there feeding themselves. I can get within a mete of them before they fly off. I need a scarecrow.

That said my rhubarb is amazing and my asparagus does well.

I have three figs on my tree this year - if some cnnt nicks them, the whole street will be ablaze...

'Had'!

Does anyone grow anything in the space between a runner beans "classic" double-row support?

Was thinking of trailing a cucumber up the pole at each end (as apparently runners love circubits) but had also thought that sneaking in a bit of inter-cropping while the runners work their way up their supports would be something to try.

(Space is at a premium you see)

Quick crop of radishes?

@boristrump
That's a great idea!
I'm doing that for sure.

Radishes or rocket are usually a pretty good bet for a quick crop

I'd close crop peas and cut them as pea shoots for salads. Throwing in a row of radishes is ok on occasion, but remember they're a brassica so if you use them when intercropping then you're not crop rotating your brassicas and you could end up with club root.

Looking for some advice re: grass.

Have a garden in our rented flat. Probably 8x5m or so (at the most). It's a weed-bed at the moment. Tried to get grass to grow late last spring (when we moved in). Some took, some didn't. Weeds have won. The dirt/topsoil itself isn't great overall.

Thinking of turfing it so we can get some enjoyment out of it asap. Also, we're in a position where we may move at the beginning of next autumn, so I don't want to be too precious about it. Just get some summer enjoyment.

So - should I just spend the next few days de-weeding it, get a few bags of top soil to try to add some more dirt/level it out, and then add turf?

Sod doesn't look super expensive, and I'm happy to do the work.

Yes, it's pretty simple and, as long as the turfed grass has something to get it's roots into it should beat the weeds. Now is the best time to do it, just ensure you keep it well watered and stay off it until it's established.

Awesome - I'll start de-weeding this afternoon and maybe see if I can get it delivered for the weekend.

Anyone have turf people they'd recommend?

In a related post: fuck weeding.

Now you're in practice you can come over and do mine. Thanks.

Didn't you put in fake grass? I'd ask for a refund.

If you're are putting turf down, can't you just remove and dump the top couple of inches of soil (including most of the weeds).

That sounds like more work than weeding!

you can hire gadgets that do it. I'm going to do it in the autumn