Is it time to start calling out bad cyclists?

Or stand still at the bottom of the escalator, peering at a map, a map of northern Europe.

Walk onto tube platform and choose right there to stop and wait for the train. All the people behind can wait in the walking tunnel or on the stairs, that's right.

My rules for urban pedestrians:

1: If the pavement is 2-people wide, don't walk in the middle of it. Leave a gap on one side for people to overtake or to walk past you in the opposite direction.

2: Walk along the pavement, don't walk on some random diagonal which slowly moves you from one side of the pavement to the other. This leads me to think that I can overtake you on one side and then suddenly there's not enough space to get by.

3: Don't suddenly stop to get your phone out/look in a shop/tie your shoelace without checking that no-one behind you is going to walk into you.

4: Don't walk 4 abreast towards me in the expectation that I will step into the gutter/traffic just so that you can carry on your conversation with your friends.

5: If you have the choice, walk on the left. That way, the person who may have to step into the traffic is facing the oncoming traffic and can see whether it is safe to do so.

6: If you are standing waiting for a bus/friend/epiphany/whatever take a second to think about where people seem to want to walk and then stand somewhere else. Particularly if you are a member of a group consider that you (as a group) can block the entire pavement!

7: You may love your wheelybag, to everyone else it is a device specifically designed to trip them over and/or whack them in the shins.

8: Don't stop at the top of an escalator to get your bearings or adjust your grip on your wheelybag or I will walk into/over you to avoid getting trampled by the people behind me.

9: If you don't know where you're going, take a moment before stepping out of the door to find out or step to the side of the pavement to look at your map. Sightseeing's lovely, but 5:30pm on a Tuesday at the busiest intersection in the city is probably not the best time and place to do it.

10: (The Golden Rule) There is always someone who wants to walk faster than you, consider how you might be holding them up.

Frank Skinner has talked a lot about pedestrian racing on his radio show. If you ever see him walking around London, challenge him to a walking race.

5: If you have the choice, walk on the left. That way, the person who may have to step into the traffic is facing the oncoming traffic and can see whether it is safe to do so.

what?

11: You always want to walk faster than someone, remember that you don't always know why they are slow, and even if it's for no good reason, consider that sometimes it is ok for you to be slow, too.

1. Punch all the people, all the time.
   
2. See 1.
   

1. Punch all the people, all the time.
   
2. See 1.
   
   

Hippy reported for advocating violence

Hippy, banned.

WAC. I can't believe his attitude. Such violence in a man so weak of spirit and so large of flesh.

He should be ashamed of himself.

Won't somebody think of the children.

He ate them, don't you know?

All of them. Even had room for pudding!

Midgets for pudding?

getting the tube into moorgate occassionally in the mornings for work now i've found that the 'fast ones' are easily the biggest cunts for not reading a situation

getting off the tube there is literally a moving wall of people from the platform up a flight of stairs down a tunnel and then onto a single escalator. it's basically an increasingly narrow pinchpoint until you reach the top of the escalators. does that stop people trying to push and squeeze their way upstream like a demented salmon through the crowd of people who couldn't go any faster if they wanted to without getting into some kind of stampede/trampling scenario. of course not, they must get through first.

and when you get to the escalator and there's 100 people all trying to get onto this narrow moving walkway do people just wait and let the people ahead of them get on first. no they cut to the left of the escalator and try to jump ahead of everyone resulting in 4 peoples trying to fit into a gap wide enough for 2 people.

then theres the exit stairs to the station, space for 2 people up and 2 people down, keep to the left, everyone gets out alive. nope. people can't possible wait until people already trying to leave the station in front of them have made it up the stairs, they'll use the side for the people entering! what a marvellous time saver, why did no one else think of that!!! so now you have 3 people going up and anyone unfortunate enough to need to get into the station is having to fight against a surge of people and squeeze down the outside except what's this... there's an even bigger species of cunt in play. yep this particular breed of absolute twatbag is so much more important than everyone else, of course he's seen the 200 people carefully exiting the station in a semblance of order one after the other and yeah he understands that the space on the right is where people coming the opposite direction are now being forced to walk but fuck it he has a god given right to get to his destination faster than all these losers traipsing their way to dead end jobs off he goes, but whats this oh shit there's someone coming down the stairs, how dare they! oh well I'll just push my way in front of one of the plebs next to me they are in my way after all

seriously it takes me a few minutes to calm down whenever i get off the tube. in the 4 weeks i've been in this job i've not once tried to get the tube home, i add 30 minutes to my journey by walking to farringdon so i dont end up stoving some idiots head in with a rolled up free newspaper.

tl:dr

tl:dr

in too much of a hurry? you're part of the problem man...

Midgets for pudding?

Surely midgets would be an hors d'oeuvre or amuse bouche?

and when you get to the escalator and there's 100 people all trying to get onto this narrow moving walkway do people just wait and let the people ahead of them get on first. no they cut to the left of the escalator and try to jump ahead of everyone resulting in 4 peoples trying to fit into a gap wide enough for 2 people.

^This, so much. I shoulder barged a bloke back out of the queue when he tried to pull this the other day.

I my 3 years in london I've never caught the tube at rush hour. I can only imagine the horror.

I hate the people that squeeze onto the train when there is clearly NO room, then shout "can you move down?!" and make a fuss when they're uncomfortable. Just get up earlier or wait for the next one. I've never had to wait longer than ten minutes for a tube train, which is probably less time than it took for you to guilt your sexually frustrated wife into pressing your shitty suit.

Have you considered tube training?

Get the train at half seven=no problem

Is it time to start calling out train cunts?

I've literally knocked people on their arses in tube stations (specifically the tunnel between northbound Victoria/Northern Line platforms at Stockwell) as they've tried to barge past four abreast in the opposite direction. It always amuses me that they don't see the 6 foot 13 stone guy and think he might not have much give in his shoulders.