I've never 'got'

I’m currently trying (and failing 100%) to use (and I hate the name) Borrow My Doggy to find a dog I can throw tennis balls for at lunchtime. I’d probably get a hugely long lead to reduce the risk of having to go back to the owner sans chien.

Whereabouts does this dog need to be?

On the other end of the rope from dammit, I imagine.

But retractable leads surely? All the benefits of reasonable distance for dog to run about securely, none of the hassle. What do I know, not a dog owner but I do like dogs

Retractable leads work for some but have a bunch of problems, one especially for young dogs is that they keep constant pressure on the lead so make it impossible to teach nice walking as they can't feel when they're at the limit

Fucking hate dog owners with retractable leads. Well, the ones I have encountered, who happily let dog and lead stretch over paths and roads as a dangerous obstacle to riders, runners etc. There may be a whole group of dog owners who don't misuse their retractable leads like that, but I don't see them.

I sometimes tell owners to trim their bait when their long leaded dogs cross my path.

Go for a walk with a pair of hedge shears. Problem solved.
Or go full Bond like here
(skip to 3:00).

The term “Health Goth”, when “Gothletic” sounds way better.

And yes, I know I’m talking about a fashion trend from like 7 years ago.

How the hell did I not know about Gothletic (I'm going to call it that)?! It's so worryingly me.

Delusional ebay sellers.

Early morning idle browsing brought me across this greenhouse:

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/174226651112

Almost £1k to dismantle an old greenhouse yourself (well you'll need someone to help), hope it comes apart without breaking, transport, replace funny shaped perspex which is probably impossible to find, as well as half the glass in all likelihood, then reassemble.

Baring in mind there are cheapo new ones for £500 delivered - albeit smaller, but still.

Also if you've going to give it all that on the sales patter, then don't date your updates so everyone can see that it's taking you 6m to sell it.

Contains my personal favourite lines, 'I'm in no hurry/will keep it if it doesn't sell'.

It reeks of 'I don't want to sell this, but I've promised the other half I would, so I'll put it on at a daft price'.

I thought that too.

But if true the poor fucker has already had to clear it out.

The thing with "in no rush" is that it's not a wheelset or something small you can leave in the shed.

I always saw it as another nonsense selling ploy, as in oh yeah, it's so good I should really keep it, my loss is your gain etc. I suspect it puts people off as it may be perceived that the seller is likely to be completely inflexible, cos it's that good. Then inevitably, item doesn't sell and price is dropped anyway a week later.

Contains my personal favourite lines, 'I'm in no hurry/will keep it if it doesn't sell'.

https://www.lfgss.com/conversations/364364/?offset=50#16023121

Driving gloves.

An ex was convinced that I had crushes on the women in that show and I was like "I don't give a fuck about that show or anybody in it; you're the one keeps watching it."

Mrs M_V and I watched them all on Netflix during lockdown. It's the kind of mindless stuff that's easy to digest and probably because we both watched it sporadically on tv when we were younger, we find it more relateable than trying to watch new things.

There is, admittedly though, a lot you don't pick up on when you're younger. It has quite a lot of homophobic 'humour' and Ross being really toxic for example.

👏👏👏👏

I drive for a living, and I wear gloves, but they’re not driving gloves, they’re ropers.
I find they provide extra grip on the wheel that helps to relieve day long muscle tension along with protection from schmutz and bumps when I’m moving around outside the van.

American Football.
Firstly, football? they rarely kick anything.
Second, you score a touchdown, but you don't actually need to touch it down.
It is very confusing to an outsider.

Took its name from rugby football, of which it is a shit bastardised version. Used to have to touch it down, but they changed the rule and not the terminology.

you’re such a chandler!!