Best Man Speech

haha^

There's a kiwi radio show that had a phone in and the guy did a racing commentator style best man's speech, extremely good/funny, I'll try to find it.

Can't get on youtube but I think it might be here http://www.youtube.com/user/millenbaird

"It's a great honour to be (X's) best man. All of his friends wanted to do it, but I'm pleased to say that between the two of us he chose me"

orly?

Yup. It's been plastered all over a certain videogame forum but he's definitely a) a cyclist and b) someone I met on the internet.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=imDBK1gW3gI

brevity FTW. people are waiting for a toast. i went to a wedding recently and we had the bride's father, groom's motehr, groom's brotehr and a best man to listen to. and the best man went on

And, yeah, brevity. The worst one I ever sat through was a painfully unfunny "funny guy" who started with "A is for [something to do with the groom]". By the time he got to C I realised he was going to do the whole effing alphabet.

Tom, aren't you suppossed to be a literary agent, the kind of person people turn to when they need help with words?

That's the idea Lenni. I run a literary consultancy, I get paid to write and edit stuff, and I'm also supposedly a published author. I don't think I've ever struggled as much as this on any project...

Never let the truth get in the way of a good speech.

Brevity seems to be on the money.
I have done a few best man speeches, in one the two before me left everyone in tears! (the grooms father had passed away a few years back and it was tough for all) I had to follow that! I managed to insult, the french, australian, women, essex people and gays. i got many drinks after for getting them all in.

I also took my mates mother out for afternoon tea and dug a little deeper. i got some cracking stories that - as they were from his childhood were innocent and could be related back to his behaviour today, also caught him offside and it is about him. If he gets embarrassed, laughs or flushes with nostalgia the rest of the room will pick up and join in.

The line that got me in the most trouble was about the bridesmaids - now i believe it's customary for the best man to sleep with one of the bridesmaids, but as you will all agree, they all look absolutely stunning, its not a matter of which one... [grabs cock] but what order....[raises toast]

Also throw away lines like
"it's an honour to be best man, on a day when i am clearly a close second best, i think we all agree the groom has done an amazing job"
"I am not saying he was an ugly child, but his mother had to tie sausages around his neck to make the dog play with him / she had to feed him with a sling shot"

It also doesn't hurt to steal a few one liners from comedians, place them near to a sincere part and you will get bigger laughs.
i.e
"they make a lovely couple who have met each other at the right time in their life, i on the other hand married far too young... chinese girl.. strange name though!"

If you want humour a little off the wall doesn't hurt. check out Stewert Francis - he has tooo many good one liners that can get you out of a tight spot.. i
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=32pq2QycIEA

Wow, a few best man speeches? I think I'll be lucky if I'm my brother's BM.

I went to a wedding years ago where the best man "read" his speech from an A4 file. It took him 36 minutes largely because he read at a similar pace to an illiterate 5 year old.

It was agony. What made it worse was that it wasn't funny either.

The couple divorced about 18 months later. What a waste of forty grand!

google is your friend
maybe you can just print off someone elses they put on the web and just change the names

I went to my brothers wedding a couple of weeks ago, It was in full military style held in the Royal Marine Officer's mess in Plymouth, the best man got a lot of last minute embarassing stories about my brother as a kid from my mum (including the time he thought he was Judy the Chimp from Daktari (a popular kids tv show at the time) to the point that my older brothers mates used to come round to see the 'monkey'.
There were a few other gems, albeit staged - like when he asked for any women in the room that still had a key to his flat (about 5 women came forward)

My Brother, bottom right.

The backbone of your speech should be why you like him, why you like her, and why you're really happy that they're together--if all of these obtain.

Avoid tasteless jokes. What's the point? Upholding the tradition of cringeworthy best man speeches? You can get laughs with proper jokes that don't rely on crassness.

Hold the speech according to your nature. For instance, I couldn't be funny if I tried, so I wouldn't try and I'd just concentrate on what I'm good at. If you're naturally funny, be funny.

Think 'how can I help make their wedding day special?'

Disclaimer: I haven't given a best man speech and I've only been to one wedding here--the tradition of best man speeches doesn't exist in Germany (natch).

Sounds like a riot, Olly

;)

he was happy, not seen the video yet though.....and that was 7 years ago

We must get our hands on this. :)

Sounds like a riot, Olly

;)

You haven't lived until you've been to a German wedding.

There'll be a film out soon called 'My Well-planned, Smoothly-run, Glitch-free German Wedding'.

Sounds like a riot, Olly

;)

You haven't lived until you've been to a German wedding.

hahahaha i'd pay to see Oliver stand up and rip into the mother inlaw.. manning style ;)

Don't stress about it, it's not often in life that you get to stand up in front of a receptive audience and (gently) take the piss out of one of your best friends.

I did it for a friend of mine, I didn't write a speech but made sure I jotted down some notes and had that with me as an aide memoire. It pays to be flexible too, two of the biggest laughs I got came from events on the day, the first from breakfast and the second from the bride's father's speech where he eulogised about her academic achivements, which allowed me to open with a gag about the groom's lack of academic achievements.

Keep it brief too, anything more than 10 minutes is too long.

Dont tell any "best man gags". They are fucking rubbish.

Last thing you want is "badum-tish" moments.

True story...
I was at a wedding last year of an old uni friend.
The best man was my mates oldest friend from home and a bit of a strange guy. Folk were a little nervous when he took to the mike.
But, god bless him, he walked the perfect line of sentimentality, risque gags and honest warmth and affection for the couple. The grandads had a chuckle and the grannies warmed to him.
What a smashing chap the audience thought.

It was very nearly beautiful.

His parting shot at the end of his speech went like this;
"So I found out the other day that the bride has a tattoo ladies and gentlemen" The bride was clearly not the tattoo type - cue audience pantomime gasp).
"I know!" He says "I was shocked too"
"Turns out she has a tattoo of a seashell on her inner thigh. So I said to the groom - Tell me, when you put you ear to the shell can you hear the sea?"
"Oh no, he said. You can't hear the sea, but you can fucking smell it"

Thank you and good night.

Screws up paper & begins to re-write speech.