Motorcycle and Scooter appreciation

Looks like something off of Despicable Me....

not ridden the bike since Xmas Eve and battery dead this morning - can a clever person tell a stupid person best option now?!

That is a common winter problem. I always take the battery off to recharge it, and now do it the night before (I have been caught out many times!)
There are a few battery conditioners that you connect up and leave while the bike is left unused for any time, but I rarely leave my bike for all that long, but every time I do it's flat!
I think my bike has a very slight drain on the battery, as it has done it more or less from new. Normally though it gets used frequently enough to prevent it being a problem. I must investigate either getting it fixed or getting a conditioner.

I've got a trickle charging smart charger which you can leave wired up to the bike all the time. It's pretty good, but it can be a bit of a faff late at night rummaging about under the seat in a dark garage to find the right wire.
I also have an emergency battery which I got from maplin. It was about £25 and it's brilliant, it lasts for ages when it's charged up, has jump leads already fixed to it and is pretty much idiot proof. It also has a built in pump for inflating tyres. It just sits on the shelf in the garage until I need to use it.

^ is that a bike specific emergency starter pack, or just a car one?

owners manual recommends one of these - do these stay attached like you mentioned?

http://www.sportsbikeshop.co.uk/motorcycle_parts/content_prod/78250

The emergency thing is a car one, but it works fine.
The trickle charger looks like what you want, I have an Acumen one.
http://www.sportsbikeshop.co.uk/motorcycle_parts/content_prod/46983
There is a lead which fits on to the battery terminals and lives permanently on the bike under the seat. To attach the charger, you just pull this lead out and fit it to the charger.
Smart chargers are supposed to continually monitor the battery, so they stop putting power in once the battery is full. You can leave them connected and they won't hurt the battery.
Someone please feel free to jump in with some science and long words, but that's how I understand it.

bump start it and then go for a little ride

Get out on the open road though, my bike doesn't start charging the battery unless the revs are up at least half way or so. Pootling through town doesn't cut it.

bump start it and then go for a little ride

so long as it has a carburettor
A fuel injected bike won't bump start if the battery is flat

yeah mine won't bump

might just get this - looks like it will do the job a bit cheaper

http://www.halfords.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/product_storeId_10001_catalogId_10151_productId_263941_langId_-1_categoryId_165547#tab3

has anybody tried a solar charger?

Have you looked out of the window lately?

bright sunshine not essential, i dont think :-)

The joys of kickstart!

envy.

i had a kickstart on my bmw that was stolen :-(

The joys of kickstart!

Everyone needs to know how to tickle a carb, advance the ignition, turn the engine over to just the right point and then kick.
I am sorely tempted to go back to something that simple.

The emergency thing is a car one, but it works fine.
The trickle charger looks like what you want, I have an Acumen one.
http://www.sportsbikeshop.co.uk/motorcycle_parts/content_prod/46983
There is a lead which fits on to the battery terminals and lives permanently on the bike under the seat. To attach the charger, you just pull this lead out and fit it to the charger.
Smart chargers are supposed to continually monitor the battery, so they stop putting power in once the battery is full. You can leave them connected and they won't hurt the battery.
Someone please feel free to jump in with some science and long words, but that's how I understand it.

No science, but I've been told that leaving the battery on trickle for long periods of time, without using the bike isn't good for the battery. I know the charger is supposed to be 'intelligent' but the advice is to either use the bike, or take it off charge every so often. I've done this and it does seem to extend the life of the battery.

If you keep having a problem, it might be the battery itself.
I bought the emergency power pack because my bike kept dying. Eventually the cheap crappy battery originally supplied with the bike was found to be to blame, but since I changed to a Motobatt one I have had no problems. It's a "Glass Mat Battery", whatever that means, and bright yellow like a piece of lego, but the bike starts every time now. It was even supplied fully charged, so I literally put it in and drove away.

No, I'm talking about 20 odd years of batteries. I've found over that time that, if I'm off the bike for any length of time, not leaving it on the charger permanently seems to work best. Like I said, nothing scientific, just my experience.

Everyone needs to know how to tickle a carb, advance the ignition, turn the engine over to just the right point and then kick.
I am sorely tempted to go back to something that simple.

Indeed. I'm planning on selling my Bandit this year and getting something old but reliable and with a bit of fairing. i've always liked the old transalps and tdms.

Quick googling suggests that a trickle charger can overcharge, and needs disconnecting, but a float charger is 'intelligent' and stops charging when the battery is fully charged

^ yeah I read reviews of that Halfords one, one guy said it cooked his battery because he left it on. I plan to only use it night before, if bike has been sitting. I wouldn't trust one of those things left on all the time

Just acquired - 390cc's of two stroke, Swedish fireball. 34 years young...

Needs a basic strip and tidy up but has monster compression and the suspension is good (original Ohlins shocks.) Should be a beast!

Two stroke 390 - That's going to be interesting!

You'll be able to recreate some Dakar action in your local desert.

On any sunday....first comes a heavy dose of fettling and a rear motorbike carrier for the passion wagon.

Sooo exciting!