Any question answered...

We shall see...

It feels surprisingly firm.

Oooooh errrrr.

Well nobody wants a soft pump...

Zefal make some velcro straps which work well to restrain pumps - stops them jumping out and getting run over when you hit a pot-hole and don't look terrible whilst so doing.

One of the seasoned mechanics at work said it’s likely the cable/cable end has hopped out of its location and jammed in the shifter - this was based on me describing the issue so I’m hoping I’ll be able to sort it when I get home.

Yeah, that's why I suggested checking the shifter end, where you can't normally see within the actual shifter. I've broken cables at that end and the cable is still gripped so it feels complete but the snapped bit is in the rotating shifter body so it doesn't move properly, in my case only did like half the number of clicks before it stopped/jammed. Finger's crossed. Cables are cheaper than shifters.

Anyone know of a table-clamping bench vice that will actually stay put while holding 50Nm crank torque?

ie. something like this, but with a beefier table clamp arrangement?

I'd love a proper big bench vice but just don't have anything solid to bolt it to.

Anyone know of a table-clamping bench vice that will actually stay put while holding 50Nm crank torque?

No chance.

50Nm is a lot of force, I've used a vice to hold a crank whilst doing spiders up to just shy of that, but said vice was bolted to a work bench.

If your kitchen units were effectively attached to the walls then you could conceivably clamp onto the kitchen worksurface, but it risks an unplanned, rapid disassembly of said worksurface.

Yeah, the only thing I can think of is using a park bench or some of the nearby park equipment that's concreted into the ground. Nothing around my flat is going to be up to holding the vice put. I have a fairly hefty dining table - if I could find one big enough I could protect the surface and get the missus to hang onto the table and it might work. Problem is, most of those are little hobby units and the clamp isn't big enough/tall enough to fit over what I'd need.

= do it at work

Hmm, didn't think of that. Not sure there's much more stuff there to clamp to.

By that stage though I may as well just take the cranks off and give 'em to my LBS to do.

Boardroom table?

Engineers vice bolted to a suitably hefty board - 25mm ply for example.
G-clamp the board to whatever is handy, or hold it in a workmate.

Probably lighter/shittier than my dining table.

Yeah, that's a bit better. I'd need a few clamps I reckon.

Any suggestions for a decent vice? (I already do sex, drugs and rock'n'roll - dad joke)

And the vertically challenged....

By that stage though I may as well just take the cranks off and give 'em to my LBS to do.

I use the bench vice at MiCycle N1 for this shit.

Is that like self-service bike shop or something?

I've used and abused one like this for 10 years or so without problems (admittedly bolted to a bench) - if you go much bigger then a couple of G clamps probably won't be enough.
https://www.machinemart.co.uk/p/cl-cv75b-bench-vice/
It's also possible to spend silly money on a Record...

This is an obviously stupid quesiton... so don't laugh!

Can the same threaded BB shell be used with either 24mm or 30mm BB? 24mm spindle with bigger bearings and 30mm with smaller bearings, but overall size of the BB identical?

Can the same threaded BB shell be used with either 24mm or 30mm BB?

You can't fit any sensible kind of bearing for a 30mm inside a 1.37" shell, but there are plenty of 30mm external bearing cranks which fit 1.37" threaded shells; anything designated BB386EVO and numerous others which are the same dimensions but without the FSA branding, such as Zipp Vuma, Campag OverTorque, Rotor 3D30 and some "BB30" cranks which have long axles to cover BB30/BBRight/BB386EVO in one SKU.

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I like MKS urban or g10, plastic clips and MKS straps.
MTB type pinned pedals tend to wear my shoes very quickly, and having clips/straps gives you some security in damp weather.

Yeah chuck them some beer money and you can use the more resilient shop tools.

Where to advertise for tenants/house mates that aren't fucking selfish.

Or can make more money with Air BNB in n22?