Pedestrian solipsism

if you are in that much of a hurry get out of bed earlier

+1

Rain - its brings em out in droves.... I sware every 5 mins or so on my way home yesterday I was yelling 'its a fecking road' to dozey peds trying to - I don't know what, cause an accident? What, they think cause we've got wheels we like getting wet more than them??? It makes me angry and oh so tempted to clobber them - ESPECIALLY when there is a pedestrian crossing (that I stopped at seconds before) just 10m away. Lazy self important shits.

Despite this warning only yesterday i also managed to take out a ped outside KCH this morning. Do hospitals give off some kind of aura that makes people feel invulnerable?

which reminds me of the numerous greasy fingered school kids crossing roads with their heads in boxes having just left their local KFC.

in general some of the worst offenders are the ones skully i think once mentioned; the ones who have their mobile phone shield switched on - they are unpredictable. will they slow down as they backspace to correct an error or are they going to speed up as they fast approach the end of the sentence.

sorry if i missed something.

Couple stepped out in front of me on the way home last night- always interested to see what I shout, as it happens so fast I don't have time to think of it.

Last night it was "woaah!", which on reflection was a bit weak.

Previously it has been "No!" which was better, or my favourite "Aaargh!", for a slightly closer call.

Previously it has been "No!" which was better, or my favourite "Aaargh!", for a slightly closer call.

recently i have been opting for a loud teacher like NO in octaves much lower than i am used to. it sort of works i think.

Lately I tend to shout Oi! on top of my lungs when I seen any danger coming up. It seems to work as well but I am sure it does not do cyclists as whole any favours. Suppose it's time to stop being selfish and stand back in line.

I have experimented with many shouts at pedestrians. Most are ignored. The most effective, particularly with tourists, is a very loud "Achtung!"

Riding straight into them usually puts them right

Need to reconsider my choice of words of warning... A sentence mostly involving the words "Fuck" and "Prick" after being almost knocked sideways by an RLJing pedestrian resulted in being chased with threats of violence again. Only after a badly aimed kick at my back wheel. I'm never this vituperative (another word of the day) on foot.

Why else did they start selling bullhorns...?

I find 'ROAD!' works pretty good.

NO

USE YOUR CUNTING EYES

NO YOU CANNOT HIDE BEHIND THAT PHONE

I CANT STOP

OUT OF MY WAY FATSO

the above are some of the things i have shouted

I still a good sharp "Oi" works a treat.
But then I do have a fucking loud voice when needed.
And then if they don't move:
If I don't mind offending them:
"You Fucking Cunt"
otherwise
"Its a fucking Road, Jackass"
or
"DO you want to use your eyes next time"
or
"you'd better watch out for trucks, idiot."

just a thought & of course not trying to encourage anything untoward....

ped snooker?

Have a look Have a look Have a look!

That's my advice.

I'm a fan of "Brace, Brace, Brace" hoping that the subliminal programming of years of cheap air travel safety warnings will make them react with true panic.

So my favorite is in a place like Oxford St. and the light is green for me but I am at the end of a queue of cabs/trucks, there is a 30 ft. gap between me and the last vehicle and no car behind. The wave of peds starts to close on me like I am the Egyptian army chasing the Israelites and the red sea is closing down. Trouble is I am going the same speed as the traffic (25mph) and because of the herd mentality ped thinks yea I know the light is green for the cars but the peds around me are going so I will go without looking. Half see me but the others don’t and shite I am yelling and weaving at speed – WTF – they just act like it’s just a bike and nothing will happen!

I would love to have a mirage of a huge lorry coming at them projected from my handlebars and an air horn too.

The other favourites are the bad boy homestyleesss who step out, look up aitchya and walk like they dangerously close to touching cloth with a dead leg and their dads shoes. shuffling along as picking their feet up would result in the stupidly massive shoes dropping off.
they step out like the world should stop, drivers slam on the brakes and beep horns then they use their fingers like they are guns or something.
all a bit new school but i have clipped a few of these fkrs with great effect

Saturday night I had 3 of these shufflin' gangstas, 2 crossing one way, one the other. They all saw me, made eye contact, but only the 2 walking together slowed their shuffle to allow my right of way. They even held their hands up to the lone ranger shufflin' the other way. He really didn't care and I know I was close to him because the two decent shufflers did a sharp intake of breath. I looked back and the third guy was not even fazed, he was still shufflin'. That guy was either high, had his eyes closed, or was some sortof Keanu Reeves in The Matrix type person.

What's annoying is when people start crossing the road like 10ft before the crossing.
Sure... It may be a red light. But fucking look out for a cyclist.

I nearly hit a 70+ year old lady. Sure she's old. But fuck...
She gave me an evil glare she did. Or maybe she can't see very well?...

Don't trust a single one of them.
The sneaky ones get me, like the ones that pop out from in front of buses that have just let off passengers right as you're over-taking.
I'd love to believe in the evolution theory that the stupid ones will die, but they just keep coming.
Does anyone else take pleasure in hitting bags of backs or tapping on the shoulder of people who just walk out in front of you. I use to get annoyed but now I just have fun with them. More fun for me than them.

compared to shanghai london is an orderly cycling utopia. the chinese seem to have little or no road sense what so ever. it's crazy. they do have a much better infrastructure for cycling here but sadly not the sense to use it properly.

NO

USE YOUR CUNTING EYES

NO YOU CANNOT HIDE BEHIND THAT PHONE

I CANT STOP

OUT OF MY WAY FATSO

the above are some of the things i have shouted

I refer you to this thread which was (a) very useful and (b) made me laugh a lot. Since that time I use "EYES" which is short, effective and doesn't involve swearing & thus can be deployed against mums with pushchairs who are determined to sacrifice their first born to the gods of traffic.

"Its a fucking Road, Jackass"

My favourite. Simple, clean, effective.