Daily Mail in cycling shocker!

I hope that it's his round at the bar when I'm thirsty.

I hope he sweats a lot.

You're on the ball..

As ever...

I hope there's something not quite right about the gym equipment he is currently using.

I hope his firmware update fails and his warranty is voided in the process.

I hope he accidentally chooses raspberry jam instead of strawberry jam.

then to top it all off i hope his best mate is ginger.. Mmm nah

You went too far there...

I hope he gets really bad razor burn and then has to use some kind of girly cream to make the redness go away.

I hope his next article has a typo in it and Platini has a phone close to hand.

I hope the blister on the wart he has treated with Wartner (TM) falls off in his girlfriend's pubic hair.

I hope he accidentally types bum into google rather than rum and everyone thinks he's a dirty perve.

I hope he makes himself a bowl of cereal in the morning and starts to eat it only to find out the cereal is slightly stale

I hope he buys a second hand computer off the internet and that it's Hippy's and when he gets it the keyboard is fucked.

I hope his parents go on holidays but accidentally leave him at home and some intruders come into his house and he is forced to create a series of ingenious and hilarious booby traps in order to stay alive

...and he becomes special friends with Michael Jackson.

I hope he goes to a tropical island, captures a giant monkey, brings it back to Broadway, and is slain by it as it struggles free from its shackles in order to pursue the woman it has come to love.

I hope he goes to a tropical island, captures a giant monkey, brings it back to Broadway, and is slain by it as it struggles free from its shackles in order to pursue the woman it has come to love.

Monkey-hater... :-(

I hope he decides to go into his cellar to retrieve a bottle of wine he has been saving on Halloween!

I hope he takes a journey across the Atlantic on the maiden voyage of a liner, draws a picture of Kate Winslet before having it off with her, then is drownded as the ship sinks after hitting an iceberg.

I hope the next bus he catches is rigged to explode if it drops below 50 miles per hour leading him on a suspense filled adventure through Los Angeles. I hope he survives but then tries to kiss Sandra Bullock and she tells him to get stuffed.

...and he becomes special friends with Michael Jackson.

I hope MJ comes from the dead just so that can happen.

I hope he wakes up to discover that he has been turned into a giant insect, is spurned by his family, and survived by his sister.

I hope that while he is chopping vegetables in a vigorous 'chef-like' manner, he finds out that Darth Vader is his dad and he chops off one of his hands in a bizarre culinary incident.

I hope one day he gets himself a fixed gear bike, tries to join LFGSS just to never even have the time to leave the nursery and get banned.

I hope, the next time he is having a drink and feels a bit rowdey he starts on Wayde Garret