Crap 'Buzzwords'

I now work at a private school. Apart from the dreadful spelling that I am subjected to on signs and in emails I had to overhear this.
"Oh yes we were really busy that morning, it was all a bit Last Minute Dot Com"

"we need to evolve the calendar"

from http://ec1collective.com/p/philosophy

*The EC1 Collective was founded on strong principles that seek to advocate the interests of its members before all else. We're not a cycling club in the traditional sense but rather a community of like-minded bike enthusiasts whose propensity to enjoy the finer things is maximised through an aggregated representation.
Yes we come together socially but our gatherings are about meeting the brands and products that make our sport so colourful.
Our aim is to move past the current marketing model of the UK cycling industry where manufacturers & retailers define the value exchange. Instead, our high-net-worth members have empowered themselves under a collective voice, the EC1 Collective, that see's them dictate the value and experiences they want.
And this way our beloved industry players win too. Through this reverse marketing model they are driven directly to the most relevant sources of trade.
Our data driven model enables this granular matching up process.
Naturally its all about critical mass so as you read this as a member or trade partner of the Collective, know that our numbers are swelling fast. With deep roots within the media & banking institutions themselves, the EC1 Collective has already reached well beyond that all important tipping point.
See our calendar of experiences for the very latest ways to participate.
And remember to contribute to the community's power by filling in your member preferences in our data section.*

high-net-worth members

Members sounds about right.

http://www.bbc.com/news/business-37235257/embed

"and remember, if the tax man finds your dealings in the Cayman Islands then you'll supernova"

"shall we gallop off into the fields" - let's all go and do what we have just been meeting about.

It's so silly, I actually quite like it!

Performance coffee anyone?

https://shop.ec1collective.com/collections/truestart/products/coffee-pouch

I've recently received an out-of-office titled WFH.

Working From Home.

Shirking From Home.

I used to work with someone who put their out-of-office on at the end of every day, and also over the weekends.

For working from home is a good one though.

Literal person is very literal.

Teleworking.

Lots of telly. Not much working.

That's good if you work in an industry which expects late hours, people know you're not ignoring their email (because you've already gone home).

http://www.itsnicethat.com/features/a-load-of-jargon-conran-store-london-design-festival-130916

Group ride?

ive found myself saying 'right size' a lot recently. Euphemism for I'll do as little as possibly without getting shouted at

"optionality"

Depends on context, shirley?

contextuality

Depends on context, shirley?

It does, though I work in a financial place where optionality is an actual, legit phrase with a closely defined meaning. The number of people who run around the place using it when what they really mean is 'more choices' can be internally amusing.

'Can we increase the optionality on this report'... eh?

Bit sexy

eyebrows

opens car door... put on the mask. don't talk.

'Can we increase the optionality on this report'... eh?

What they mean to say is, can you give them the right, but not the obligation, to buy or sell the report at a future date, in return for a small premium.

Or they could be asking you to punch them in the back of the neck when they walk past.