Crap 'Buzzwords'

horizontalization

Verb[edit] horizontalize ‎(third-person singular simple present
horizontalizes, present participle horizontalizing, simple past and
past participle horizontalized)

(transitive) To orient horizontally.
(euphemistic)kill, assassinate, execute

murder death kill

Frankly, I think that it's called that must be a case of Chinese whispers.

murder death kill

Absolutely. It should be 'horizontalise', of course.

Bit of a dredge, but end of year inventorying reveals I have two of these up for grabs if anyone wants one. £5 or so. Too late for xmas as I'm sodding off to the coast tomorrow, but happy to hand deliver it to your-London based selves in the new year (or post, if I have to).

There's also going to be a political themed one some stage early next year, featuring such buzzbombs as
'Substances not Smokescreens. A Civil Partnerships and / Stakeholder Engagement Review. A Cap on Truancy.' and 'Cascade the Colloquium. A Heritage Stabilisation and / Living Pocket Money Commission. Volunteer now for our front-line back-office election team.'

So if you're interested, I'll adjust the order accordingly. Same price as above (probably).

You should have just kept saying unisex urinals until they all gave up.

That is absolutely hilarious.

I was introduced to another gem via a Better By Design workshop:

B-HAG.

Big Hairy Audacious Goal.

"premise" instead premises
Makes we want to kill.

your premise is flawed

The premise that the singular of premises is premise is flawed

I have a manager who doesn't really use buzzwords but rather uses his unbelievably shit versions of them.

For instance,

-A keyring is a race involving a derny and 8 riders that happens in the "velo".
-When giving the "velo" it's full name it somehow becomes the "veladrome".
-Anything happening before about 9am is "express".
-Customers doing things they shouldn't is "sinister".
-We have to "be cute" about things that I think should maybe be done on the QT (though that's almost as bad).
-Everything, no really, everything has a value, always added up incorrectly ie 3 staff members at £20k a year = £75k.
-Putting a few chairs away is "clearing the decks" or "creating a blank canvas".

My new years resolution is to insert something from this thread into each and every email I send him, hopefully it'll rejuvenate his cache of buzzwords.

You work for David Brent aicmfp.

My (potentially, if I stay) new line manager is an EOD (bomb) dog handler. He uses the phrase "it's gone a bit poochy" or suchlike if something has got a bit awkward or gone wrong. At least that's what I think he means. It really annoys me.

Mate. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, but Poochie died on the way back to his home planet.

I detest The Simpsons. Wrong thread but still.

make sure you give him a treat everyday

and try to stop him cocking his leg in the office..

He hasn't done me any harm yet but he manages to make every job someone else's problem and gets very worked up about stuff that he doesn't need to worry about. If I'm still here in May he'll be "in charge" of me. Poochie/Poochy knob.

At least one person kills themselves by the end of the meeting?

I love it, it's opened up great parts of the internet to me, for 'free' too. Even more impressive when it's doing it real time on screen translating when you point the google goggles app at forrin words.

Literally everyone knows it's not meant to be a perfect grammatical tool but it usually helps you get the gist

"Ladder up the commercial verticals"

I like that and will use it at my team meeting on Wednesday. What does it mean?

I'm not really sure. I think it some bastardisation around the pursuit of vertical markets which would make absolutely no sense in my profession...

It would make absolutely no sense in mine either. Looking forward to seeing if someone calls me on it

S

does it mean do something difficult?

Have we had "rock up" yet...?

Sat in a meeting this morning, it was mostly bollocks btu the best bit was when someone suggested an 'evidence safari'. FUUUUUUUUCKKKKKK OOOOOOFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!