Crap 'Buzzwords'

fewer monies?

Lots of people here today getting ducks in rows.

Brace yourself for the advance of the anatine armies. They will be well-drilled.

I was just reading something about human resources, when it dawned on me that human resources is something of a cunty term.

Staff. That worked ok didnt it? Why did we change it? Human resources makes people sound no more significant than staples.

If I ever run a large PLC, I shall have a 'people' department, or at worst a 'staff office'.

It's part of a move towards constant euphemisms. Nobody has money, they have "budget" or "funds". Nobody asks direct questions or gives direct answers. It's all done in this weird code.

If you speak like a normal person you sound blunt or simplistic. Good, I say.

Sounds like self licking lollipop environment.

We get emails around the whole company when we have new people starting. It's a meduim sized company so fair enough, everyone would be wondering who the stranger in the office was otherwise but...

I hope you will welcome them and help in there[sic] on-boarding with Company X

On-boarding! GTFO.

I hear that a lot in IT. People talk about customer onboarding (making it easy for a customer to sign up to a service or site) and employee onboarding (where IT have to set up profiles for a new employee).

E.g. Our employee onboarding process was slow because it onvolved a lot of manual processes where their security access level was determined from a giant spreadsheet and their phone number was generated by a pixie pulling raffle tickets out of a bran tub.

It's not the worst. Makes sense I suppose.

We've got to play the ball where it lies

make sure you play it with a straight bat

Playing defence against hot-fixes.

All the sports analogies today.

When I worked in the US I used to spend a lot of time in meetings translating the endless baseball/NFL terms (from the predominantly US management team) into cricket terms (for the predominantly Indians/Pakistanis/Bangladeshis/British who did the actual work).

#csb

Another one, 3rd sports reference for the day.

"He quarterbacked all the [client] engagements, now he's on the bench"

To be fair...
Saying I would be "happy to go out to bat with" another designer/facilitator is something I enjoy saying and only reserve for people I really rate.

wordsmithing

Open a bridge

Discounting whether a lot of minor operational failures indicated a broken process this morning, I said 'It's pretty subjective as to when persistent fouling merits a straight red card'. Everyone laughed and nodded and I felt good about myself. Can anyone recommend a suitable method of taking my own life?

Fire.

It's fine if you tell yourself you were being ironic

Persistent fouling is only a yellow card offence.

fucking hell, look at the artefacting on that one. must have been around the internet and back to look that furry.
(the 'shitpic')

Today brings us "at scale".

It means "we used a fuckload of computers".

Next week, we'll be looking at "wraparound".

"we've run out of runway"

'Roadmap', often used in conjunction with 'runway'

e.g. "do we have a detailed roadmap for this activity?"

"do we have a detailed roadmap for this activity?"

No but I have maps on my phone. Would this help?