"Oh Shit" moments...

^^This.

A perfect breakdown, Columbo! Save for the fact that I weigh about as much as a pair of slippers..

your wheel says otherwise, chunky

Pulling away from some lights last night, the left hand lane is left only, right hand is straight on. I'm going straight. Almost clear of the junction and check right shoulder then left to see whats going on. The car behind giving plenty of space. I start to move to the left hand lane when a guy on a scooter comes flying up it, he's obviously decided that he'll go straight on, or he's come out of the traffic. I don't know. I abort my move and he flys past leaning on his horn. He got pant shittingly close. Then he weaves through the traffic into the right hand lane and darts over the road and down a side lane to avoid a red.

Once I clipped the pedal on a pothole and my bike literally jumped at least a feet in the air (with me on it), causing me to fly in the middle of Green lanes.
Road rushes and bent top tube (from the pedal strike).

Crashed again! I came around a corner at the bottom of a hill, following one of the oldboys of RCC, did a quick shoulder check to see who was where, then looked forward to see guy in front fighting a bush. Then suddenly my back wheel shot from under me, I pulled the front break and straightened bike but over corrected and went over the bars at the same time as both wheels skidded from under me ... followed by expert commando roll ;)... looking back at the road it was covered with sand and pea size bits of gravel and there was no clean path. you could see what had happened in the gravel, the guy infront over shot the corner unable to control speed, then my back wheel skidded then my front then both. Luckily the guy on my rear wheel went between me and the bike during my roll so just a few scratches

Bolloxy-feck...

Climbing, changed from the big ring down, must have had too much pressure on 'cos chain flipped off the small ring (I was spinning) and I managed to suck the chain between the stay and the inside of the small ring and wrap it around the bottom bracket housing...

Had to break the chain to get out of my entanglement - not easy with a multi-tool thingy, and I have scratched the paint down to the metal where the chain got sucked through... I feel responsible but also feel like this should not have happened.

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10201944178961155

http://www.itv.com/news/london/2014-09-12/man-wielding-huge-knife-attacks-cyclist-on-a-busy-street-in-front-of-terrified-eyewitnesses/

#panniersaredeath

Bonus points for use of bicycle as Bat'leth

good grief!!

So I was approaching this ‘priority over oncoming vehicles’ sign in Essex and the white van on the other side has clearly seen me. But as I come closer the white van guy actually hits the gas and speeds up. I reckon he must have wanted to play chicken with me and score some personal victory when I threw myself to the ground or crashed into the bollards. I didn’t and as such we met at the narrowest part at the same time. The best I could do was got as close to the kerb as possible, his windshield passed my left right handlebar with about 10 - 20 cm.
I was going at roughly 16 mph and he must have been going close to 40 mph. I couldn’t brake, as any wobble on my part would have made it all the more risky.
The sickest thing of all was that he had to kids next to him in the front seat, I am guessing both were younger than 5. If had wobbled I would have gone trough the windshield and who knows what would have come of the kids. It happened too fast for me to check number plates etc, and I had no chance of turning around and catching up with him as there are no traffic lights for a long stretch either side of that point. After a few minutes, once my adrenaline had subsided, I noticed my hands shaking.

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Right handlebar? Sometimes I think it is actually an error of judgement (rather than malice or wanting to play chicken) where they misjudge your speed and think if they speed up they can get to the pinch point before you. Sometimes.

Chain jumped off the sprocket of Claud Beater as I was hammering it down Broadway, got mangled in the back spokes and locked the rear wheel. Cue me squeeling 'FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUU....' as the back wheel skittered around and I paint my underwear.

:-)

paint my underwear.

hahaha thats getting used more often from now on.

Loperamide?

Coming down the A200 Evelyn Street past McDonalds when a dopey twat in a Mini Cooper (new style = guaranteed cockwombles) decides that his Egg McMuffin is more important than checking his mirrors.

He veered straight across the bus lane directly in front of me while I'm going at 15mph+. Cue Oh Shit braking technique and gently bumping into his rear left wing as he completed his turn into the McD's driveway. He didn't even notice. Burly chap in a huge Mercedes Benz leant out of his car to scream abuse at him so I left it at that.

I love Mondays.

OK so I had a few days in the country at the in-laws last week and weekend.

I came home sunday night.

Monday lunchtime I get my shit together to meet up with @skiver who is leaving for Prague soon, he wanted a saddle stamped. Looking around for locks, I notice my heavy duty DLock is in the house, whereas normally it lives outside shackling my ratbike aka Ivybike to the railings in my front yard. So I guess I must have locked it up with my big abus cable instead. Then I see that inside as well...

Then I look outside. No ratbike. I hadn't noticed that it wasn't there the night before. Guess I forgot to lock it up. What a total pratt.

Typically, I had built that as the 'I don't mind if it goes' bike. Yet managed to put loads of parts I really liked on it. Right down to the pedal clips and the bar end plugs, all a shonky mix of lovely older things. I AM SO ANNOYED AT MYSELF!

/homerD'OH.jpg

Oh, Skully.

That is easily done tho. A friend of mine lost his bike 'cos he forgot to bring it indoors. Hard day at work, arrived at his door, propped the bike up against the fence and let himself in. He woke up in the middle of the night with the realisation of what he'd done but it, complete with fully loaded pannier, was long gone.

When I say easily done, you do have to be a bit of a plonker.

#notheretomakeanyonefeelbetter

Gah, even more annoyed today.

Chain snapped in hackney while going about 20mph, back wheel locked up as it somehow took out the mudguard and jammed it between frame and wheel. Was fine but messed up my night, had to leave the bike at my cousins and get a lift home which means public transport on the weekend so I can ride back.

Went out to see a friend's band with the wife, all was well, was drinking my way through all my money as per. Wife casually wondered how we were getting home, she'd left money and cards at home, I realised, to my horror that this is the first night in years i can't hop on my bike and swerve home. No bike and an extra person is something i had forgotten existed.
Thankfully the drummer gave us a lift home, all is well!

Also a mild "Oh shit" about people seeing the lack of capitalisation of my"I's" in that post.