"Oh Shit" moments...

Wet leaves, misty damp day. Seen well in advance, I knew they were likely to be trouble but the fast moving traffic wouldn't let up to allow me the few inches I needed to avoid them. Slowed right down and got through almost all of them, when I found myself ceremoniously dumped onto the pavement in slow motion. As I contemplated another minor cycling related injury, I noticed the leaves where I came off had been hiding a huge lump of moist dog exhaust. Nice.

Life imitating art: http://www.lfgss.com/thread27103.html

The last six weeks has been one long "Ooooh Sheeeeeiiit!", because cycling around Nairobi is like playing a stupid video game in which hazards pop out of nowhere, for no discernable reason. Nobody has heard of "right of way", so vehicles launch at you from every single turning, slip road and roundabout exit. They genuinely believe it's their right to pull out and force you to emergency brake. It's everyone: cars, motorbikes, buses, but worst are the matatus - the independent shared taxis used by 12 million Nairobi commuters. There are about 1,000,000 matatus in the city and they speed like hell to out-compete the other 999,999, to get more 25p fares for the driver.

<------ A pre-collision matatu.

Matatus also overtake on blind corners, force their way through junctions and take roundabouts in the wrong direction. They cause 90% of RTAs, most of which are head-on collisions. 1288 cyclists die here per year, compared with 135 in UK. It's fantastically hazardous.

<------ A post-collision matatu.

Most common Oh Shit moment:
Traffic here often moves at 5mph or less, as there's crazy congestion. Matatus will overtake all these queued vehicles for kilometres at a stretch, essentially driving on the wrong side of the road indefinitely. If I'm coming in the opposite direction, it becomes a game of chicken. I hold my palm out straight ahead, trying to magically stop their advance, which works occasionally. Usually they accelerate (clearly conveying that they don't intend to stop) and I'm forced to veer off the side of the road and hope that I'm not rapidly decelerated by an unsuspecting fruit vendor.

Ha, my ex girlfriend was from Nairobi and I was considering going over there with her and a bike but was heavily dissuaded. Apparently riding outside of the city is slightly safer, in that you are less likely to get run over but more likely to get attacked by Cheetahs.

but more likely to get attacked by Cheetahs.

We have a similar problem in Haringey, but with tigers, which are easier to outrun.

^^ Ok thanks, as a precaution I'll fill someone else's jersey pockets with catnip.

I met a cyclist last week who apparently trained with Chris Froome in 2005/2006, in the club "Safari Simbas". I've tried racing with some of these guys but didn't stay with the peleton for long. The average Kenyan road cyclist is pretty bloody quick.

^^^^

I thought it was Buzz that smacked that dude.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wcrkxOgzhU

Unless Armstrong did it too

I feel so ashamed. You are correct.

^^

How can anyone think the moon landings were faked? WAC

Just the same as the 9/11 conspiracy twats !

Double WAC....

...the first moment of lucidity every morning.

Should probably be in epic fail, but hey...

Built up a new rear wheel. Went out on little test ride. Coming down a hill, a skid was skud. Of course, I'd forgotten that I'd only put the lockring on finger tight. Cog slipped slightly, pants were shat. Walked home after that.

I thought it was Buzz that smacked that dude.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wcrkxOgzhU

Unless Armstrong did it too

He must have had a burst of adrenaline.

Going up Eversholt Street towards Mornington Crescent earlier, there was line of cars almost back to Euston station because of the temporary traffic lights up the other end. I'm riding in primary, all good, shoulder check, nothing there, all good, slow down and move right a little so I can see if it's clear to overtake, why the fuck am I on the floor, not good. Oh, it's probably something to do with my bike being jammed under the front of this car.

Quite an oh shit! moment as it was so sudden and unexpected - I have no idea what exactly happened and I'm not even sure where he came from (turned out of a side road going fairly fast I think), he said I "cut in" but I was in primary to begin with so not sure I buy that.

Then I got home about 10 mins later, unlocked the door and realised that the keys to my bike locks were missing (and I don't think my spares are in London), double oh shit! I went straight back and thankfully found them in the middle of the road, obviously been run over but they still work.

Fuck, Theo. You alright? Any damage to you or the bike?

You must have seen me fall off before, I fall like a pro - I'm fine, and I think arrospoks are tougher than front bumpers. I've got a hole in some new jeans but I'll just listen to more black metal and call it a fashion statement or something.

Thanks tho.

Wow, I'd still be weeping in the middle of the road if that had been me.

Have rep for being so chill about it all and I hope you really are ok.

Theo, you're the epitome of chilled, as for falling like a pro, no pro falls quite like Lance! Ahem

You can only fall like Lance if you get high like Lance.

Nearly got t-bone by a cyclist on a borris bike running a red light! really some idiots on the road lately!

That sounds as if it could have been nasty, Theo. I'm glad that it sounds as if you weren't hurt, but it's always worth stressing that taking a little time after a crash to get your bearings, and not to rely on your adrenaline-fuelled perception after such a shock, is a good idea. I take it you didn't even swap details with the driver or look for witnesses? Anyway, glad you're OK.

At the junction of Great Suffolk Street and and Southwark Street, heading directly across the junction towards Sumner Street, most traffic on Sumner Street is turning right to get to Blackfriars Bridge. They all like to begin to turn before traffic going straight has cleared the junction so I've had a few dodgy moments with people turning right while they're practically on top of me. Seriously, guise, would it kill you to obey the rules of priority for 30 seconds?

Anyway, today I was waiting at this junction for the lights and there was a line of traffic on the other side indicating right. A silver transit van pulls up alongside them on the other side of the road, not indicating. It looks like he's parking there? Or maybe he's using it as a two-lane one-way road? When the lights changed he didn't move with the other traffic, so meh. I figure I'll move out into the middle of the junction and wait in the nearside to nearside position for the turners to do their thang and then go around him.

He waits until I get into the middle of the junction before driving forward and turning right in front of me without indicating, so I'm basically sandwiched between two right-turning transit vans, with the one who was waiting in the correct place to begin with now actively trying to drive over me because he's become confused and is in thrall to whatever supernatural forces inexorably draw drivers to the right at that junction. Then all the vehicles behind him tried to do the same thing. Wtf. Not really sure how I got out of there but I do remember swerving about like an RC racer trying to avoid at least 5 vehicles bent on annihilating me. What the fuck is wrong with people at that junction?! Has it been built on the site of an ancient pagan burial ground or something?

:(

I managed to debond the upper of my SPDs from the sole going up Brixton Hill*. Extremely disconcerting, I'm just glad that it wasn't going down.

*evidence of raw power; Brailsford I'm free to begin training whenever.

To whom who try to seal my saddle you’re a fucker and nearly cause me to crash on my way home! I was cycling home and I seem to be over stretching a lot and didn’t think much of it, then when I got to East India Dock Road, my saddle came off! I was scare shitless and then on top of that I was close to have a Naruto moment (1,000 years of pain) or a commonly known as a prostate exam from my own damn seatpost! Not what I expected on a Friday evening!

Sounds like a good night in to me.

Props for "Thousand years of pain" reference