I confess...

Entertainingly fresh orange juice can be up to 0.5% abv

Or more, depending on how long you leave it on the radiator.

A mate of mine is a brewer (Wiper and True) and he started off doing bottle conditioned beers. He always marked them up as something around 4.5 abv, but his beer was notorious for giving you tunnel vision after about 3 bottles. I think his abv callipers were £3 off eBay or something. I assume stated abv can never be that accurate anyway, so don't know why they bother with a decimal point.

Entertainingly fresh

This sounds like a euphemism

I'm only really concerned cause my fiancée is pregnant. If it was just me, I'd not really be bothered.

OTOH if it's that far off the excise man may take a close interest...

(Entertainingly (OK, I'm easily entertained), historically the authorities didn't give a crap as to whether your beer was safe to drink, just whether you'd paid the correct amount of tax on the malt used. The consequence was watered-down beer pepped up with (amongst others) caramel, liquorice, spices, and strychnine, all to give the resulting brew the same mouthfeel and pep as actual beer. It was only in the 19th century that the public health implications of beer adulteration became enough of a concern to government for it to be banned. /csb)

Was given four bottles of rather delicious Black Isle porter during the week as payment for a job (being teetotal would be hard af for a bike mechanic) and pretty chuffed with myself that firstly, I haven't touched them till tonight and secondly, that I had half a bottle and put the other half back in the fridge for another time.

It's not even a school night.

Actually if you know the original gravity (sugar content) of a liquid before and after fermentation then even rudimentary calculations using equipment from wilkos can be very accurate. Even measuring the refractive index of a fermented solution can give a fairly accurate (0.2+/-) reading.

Good work man. It's the little victories like this that really help. Be proud of yourself.

Maybe he just put ketamine in it or something, then.

Cheers.

Got a birthday night out with a heavy drinker tonight, already checked the drinks menu for the pub we are going to and they do Erdinger alchohol free and a Leifmans beer that's under 4%.

Edit: the Erdinger was just the ticket. Nobody asked why I wasn't drinking and it tasted pretty good too so just stayed on it all night.

Home made lentil and rhubarb curry for lunch. Surprisingly it wasn't shit.

just wait...

It's the future. I think this could feasibly solve world hunger. I could open a chain of lentil and rhubarb curry fast food places across the world and become the next Bill Gates. It could herald the dawning of world peace and harmony. That or mean I eat significantly less rhubarb crumble. Either way result :)

Rhubarb's pricey for what it is (sour pudding celery).

Not if you've got an allotment. I have 5 different varieties and about 12 different clumps of it. Like n+1 being the ideal number of bikes , you can never have enough jam.

...I should probably clean out my work water bottle

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I've bought a set of rollers and I'm too scared to use them. 😬

Curly hair will suit you, go for it.

I reckon once you get to that stage, you need to gradually wean yourself off it

Just watched Have I Got News For You and now have an instant Kirsty Young crush.

No need to confess.

Dat voice.

Ha, just spotted this :)

What a poser. Won't wear her glasses whilst looking at the camera, yet can't read her cue cards without glasses.

It's just possible she needs glasses to read a card but not to read the autocue? That's a technical term used in TV. You know, TV, where you work.

Ha, my dad was saying that.

Did notice that she was using a uniball fine UB-157 Black.

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It gets easier. Watched loads of YouTube tutorials, but just as a starting point. What I found most useful was something none of them said. Start while holding onto something with one hand (kitchen worktop etc.), then, when you're ready, just tap the top of the bars and reach straight back for your worktop. Do that 3 or 4 or 10 times. Then extend the tap to half a second resting that hand on the tops. Then one second, then 2, 5, 10 seconds, pedalling all the while.

And you've cracked it!

Until you fall off, which will probably happen at some point.