Epic fail

reach around tho?

Had fun getting out of Merica' a few years back worth the full body scanner. Wanted me to put my hands above my head, but the thing was touching my head already, no room for arms up there too. I'm not even that tall

rusty trombone

For some reason, Australian customs don't find it funny when they ask you if you have a criminal record and you reply with 'I didn't think I still needed one.'

I've only ever had good experiences at Australian border control... I've lost count of the amount of times I've been asked the purpose of my visit when I've been returning to the UK... OK, I've got a Spanish passport but it was issued in London, I'm speaking to you in flawless cockerney and I was fucking born here, you fucking bellend... American border control drives me insane, makes me never wanna visit the USA again...

You can all fuck off with your minor gripes about border crossing.

How many of you have been detained on returning to the UK???
Next time you come back to the UK, with your British passport, count how many seconds it takes for them to look at their screen after scanning your passport.

It takes them over a minute to read the fucking essay that comes up when they scan mine, they get sterner and look at me for ages like it's a blinking match.

I can't even get an ESTA. I now have a 10 year multiple entry visa for USA because it's the only way for me to visit, by having someone assess me at the US embassy in London, and even then, I get interrogated when I get to the USA. Instead of seeing the visa and thinking, oh this guy's been properly assessed, deemed to be suitable to visit by a civil servant in our embassy in London, they see it as a red rag.

"You're British but you have a visa, why? Why didn't you get an ESTA?"

"I don't know, I applied, I got accepted, 24 hours later it was revoked."

"Well let me just ignore this visa entirely and treat you like you're on a fast track to Guantanamo."

Have you got a beard doe?

He's a convicted Hitler.

Boast post...

I think they just do cavity searches differently over there...

You can all fuck off with your minor gripes about border crossing.

You have a point there, we do get it easier.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csayHw_26GE

All my department travel to the US half a dozen or so times a year. Only one person finds it necessary to carry a letter from the firm saying he's over there on business, etc due to the amount of times he's been randomly selected for further questions.

On an unrelated note, we have one Muslim bloke in the department.

I want the kind of job where I get sent to the US. I'm lucky if I get sent to B&Q the now.

I like not going anywhere. I like never working from home. Work stays at work. Non-work (mostly) stays out of work.

want the kind of job where I get sent to the US. I'm lucky if I get sent to B&Q the now.

I had that job for a while, ended up living there on a visa for a while.

I'm now happy that I only get sent as far as Docklands once or twice a year.

A few weeks ago, I came back from Afghanistan, via Tajikistan and Turkey, with a beard and a recent Somali stamp on my passport. Used the scanners and was out of the airport in 5 mins without even having to talk to anyone. We don't know we're fucking born here.

Commuted in bib-shorts, forgot pants and am now commando at work. Also, I'm absurdly hungover and someone nicked my cafetiere again. fml.

you air hostesses get special treatment at airports though right?

Also, I'm absurdly hungover and someone nicked my cafetiere again. fml.

Coffee will make your hangover worse, you are dehydrated and it will dehydrate you further. If you have a headache it's because your brain has shrunk, putting pressure on it as it pulls away from the inside of your skull. Have a glass of water.

and do up your fly

Carefully.

and then a coffee

Hangovers ain't just to do with dehydration and coffee doesn't dehydrate you, at least not straight away, caffeine does but there is a fair amount more than caffeine in coffee, mostly water in fact, which hydrates you. Same goes for alcohol, it too is a diuretic but beer and spirits will still hydrate you with all the water in them, later on you might pee out more than normal though which could lead to dehydration if you're not topping up with water or something with water in it.

Basically, have a beer, best hangover cure there is.