Nicked bike?

pick him up by the hind legs and dash his brains out!

Hand worm him !

give him a wedgie!

beaker on the skull!

no fuck that CHINESE BURN this mofo. ouch.

Fuck yeah, let's group Chinese burn him !

Tap him 3 times on the left shoulder but eschew the right, and infuriate him with the asymmetry.

Smile politely at one of his jokes.

Pretend to shout at him, but with no voice, so he thinks he's gone deaf.

Have incredible sex with his mother, but pull out just before she peaks, and then tie her hands behind her back so she can't finish herself off, and hold a picture of her son in front of her face whilst repeating the mantra "it's his fault you can't get no satisfaction".

Eat all his chocolate.

Partition his fucking hard drive into 30 volumes.

eat a whole mars bar in front of him without offering him any.

Adjust all the floorboards in his house to be squeaky.

pete and dud have the right idea at about 3mins30

YouTube - Guinness Book of Records - Derek and Clive

Partition his fucking hard drive into 30 volumes.

:D

Nip him in the arm and refuse to say sorry

nipple cripple/ purple nurple the bastard.
so hard that he becomes uni nip.

offer to open a door for him, all smiles, then at the last minute let go and slam it in his face.

offer to pay for a taxi ride, then send him to the WRONG LOCATION

serve his own testicles to him as tapas.

stick a bag of dogshit on his doorstep, set fire to it, then ring the doorbell and watch from afar as he stamps it out!

shit in his cistern.

put pubic hair in all his favourite(pj how do you spell this?) foods.

get some deep heat and rig his shower so that it sprays all over him.
Bonus- when water does come out it hurts even more (esp on the balls)

send him some sand

Reverse the polarity of his neutron field.

create an overload in his warp core, causing it to breach

Remove the panel from the side of his bath and leave an oily fish to rot behind it

remove all the oily fish from his larder and replace them with bath panels

remove the larder from his kitchen and replace it with dogshit

Reverse the warp core of a bag of oily fish, twat it in his bath panel, and then create some sand with deep heat on his dogshit.

best. thread. ever.

remove all the oily fish from his larder and replace them with bath panels

ha!:D