Bike Anti-Porn - When Things Go Wrong

5am. I think the pub in Smithfields is open ;)

cause riding half naked a helmet will save you

Don't start a debate. Take it to bikeradar.

work this on out

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_D_gA1kMwT6o/SU9RuVNPyfI/AAAAAAAAAos/u_UTkXfiNDc/s1600-h/pc201556.jpg

work this on out

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_D_gA1kMwT6o/SU9RuVNPyfI/AAAAAAAAAos/u_UTkXfiNDc/s1600-h/pc201556.jpg

That's hideous.

why would you need suspension on that?

not only that, looks like there would only be about 5mm or movement in the suspension anyway… and of course a lot of extra weight!

http://www.foxracingshox.com/fox_bicycle/bike_index.php?redirect=09_forks

you can lock the forks in pretty much any position, pointless on that bike and fugly.

I can't believe no-one has anti-porned it yet.

• Colour - its so awesome how we can prove how utterly modern and at the same time outrageous men are by riding a bright pink bike but still being hetrosexual. What a beautiful modern world we live in. Plus it has the added advantage of making the owner look like a prick so you can avoid talking to him in case he really is a prick (but then he actually is so what does it matter - plus its likely he has a bunch of other "I'm a prick" clues scattered about him, from his clothes, his hair and so on).
  
• Geometry - genius
  
• Silly half bar tape - cause i bet the owner rides on the drops all the time.
  
• Ridiculous mirrored wheel - looks to be made from some mirrored sticky back plastic sheeting. Plus its (quite clearly) a disc wheel. Oh my god they rule. Yeah man I saved 10 seconds off a 20 hour ride the other day. I actually would have saved more time but I kept getting blown off my bike by ppl breathing.
  
• What looks like pointless weight weenie drilling on the chainset rendering it weaker. But lets face it riding this thing down to the local Frappuchino bar (all it'll be used for) is hardly going to strain it.
  
• the "never looks good" white tyre and then why match it with a black rear tyre of non-descript style? Probably cause it had a classy white rear tyre too but the owner skidded the shit out of it slamming his balls on the stem and impressing his mates with a stupidly long stupidly pointless waste of rubber
  
• pointless deep section rim
  
• Black hub. All hubs and rims should be unpainted. That way they still look good when they get scratched (or he sees sense and fits a brake and it rubs on the rim)
  
• no brakes - fine if its a track bike but lets face it its not is it? Its for posing in Hoxton (or geographic equivalent) infront of some guys with "haricuts"
  
• One of the few nice things on it (the Turbo saddle) looks shit cause its all tilted forward like a kids slide - weee!!!
  
• it even fails on a thing that some of you deem highly important (although really its not at all). Rim stickers still on the wheel!!! The horror!
  
  

Nice pedals. Probably.

I quite like the mirror disc (for the track). The rest can be found filed under Meh.

Its for blinding drivers while RLJ through intersections in Central London.

I quite like the mirror disc (for the track). The rest can be found filed under Meh.
For the track it'd look ok. Not out of place (if a little garish and bling but fun as a novelty).

no you can't.

http://www.foxracingshox.com/fox_bicycle/bike_index.php?redirect=09_forks

you can lock the forks in pretty much any position, pointless on that bike and fugly.

Which model Fox are they? You could, in theory, remove the suspension manually by fucking with the internals. The amount of travel that thing has looks low.. could be the dude leaning on the front or it could've been messed with. Need more info.

I'm totally trading in the S-Works for that ^^ :P

is that things frame modelled on a penis and the 2012 logo?

• not gonna post a picture of a penis, i suppose everyone knows how it looks like*
  but the logo
  
  

I can't believe no-one has anti-porned it yet.

[] Colour - its so awesome how we can prove how utterly modern and at the same time outrageous men are by riding a bright pink bike but still being hetrosexual. What a beautiful modern world we live in. Plus it has the added advantage of making the owner look like a prick so you can avoid talking to him in case he really is a prick (but then he actually is so what does it matter - plus its likely he has a bunch of other "I'm a prick" clues scattered about him, from his clothes, his hair and so on).
[] Geometry - genius
[]Silly half bar tape - cause i bet the owner rides on the drops all the time.
[]Ridiculous mirrored wheel - looks to be made from some mirrored sticky back plastic sheeting. Plus its (quite clearly) a disc wheel. Oh my god they rule. Yeah man I saved 10 seconds off a 20 hour ride the other day. I actually would have saved more time but I kept getting blown off my bike by ppl breathing.
[]What looks like pointless weight weenie drilling on the chainset rendering it weaker. But lets face it riding this thing down to the local Frappuchino bar (all it'll be used for) is hardly going to strain it.
[]the "never looks good" white tyre and then why match it with a black rear tyre of non-descript style? Probably cause it had a classy white rear tyre too but the owner skidded the shit out of it slamming his balls on the stem and impressing his mates with a stupidly long stupidly pointless waste of rubber
[]pointless deep section rim
[]Black hub. All hubs and rims should be unpainted. That way they still look good when they get scratched (or he sees sense and fits a brake and it rubs on the rim)
[]no brakes - fine if its a track bike but lets face it its not is it? Its for posing in Hoxton (or geographic equivalent) infront of some guys with "haricuts"
[]One of the few nice things on it (the Turbo saddle) looks shit cause its all tilted forward like a kids slide - weee!!!
[*]it even fails on a thing that some of you deem highly important (although really its not at all). Rim stickers still on the wheel!!! The horror!

Nice pedals. Probably.

You are almost all wrong.. except for the Velocity-rim and the weird geometry that bike is not antiporn.

• Color is a matter of personal preference.
  
• Half bartape, well.. He could be riding it in the drops all the time.
  
• Disc's are totally p0rn
  
• About the tyres colors we can agree about the white.. the rear is probably a tubular tyre, since that is a track disc-wheel.
  
• Nothings wrong with painted hubs and rims
  
• Nothings wrong with riding a trackbike with no brakes on the road, if you can handle it
  

why would you need suspension on that?

not only that, looks like there would only be about 5mm or movement in the suspension anyway… and of course a lot of extra weight!

http://www.foxracingshox.com/fox_bicycle/bike_index.php?redirect=09_forks

you can lock the forks in pretty much any position, pointless on that bike and fugly.

Which model Fox are they? You could, in theory, remove the suspension manually by fucking with the internals. The amount of travel that thing has looks low.. could be the dude leaning on the front or it could've been messed with. Need more info.

My first thought when I saw that photo was 'those forks are fucked'.

The simplest answer is normally the most plausible.

that looks like you could get INSIDE it.

After seeing this i almost picked up the puke off my cock and rubbed it in my eyes...

...uuuuh! fuckin hell!

At least he got the tyres/valves correct :P

double aerospoke is as bad as a double denim combo

At least he got the tyres/valves correct :P

Well, that's me happy then, isn't it? ;)