Riding drunk

I once misjudged the gap between two bollards and got catupulted off into a dog turd which I then slid through, smearing shit from my shoulder, all the down my front, one leg and onto my shoe.

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I'd say it's a win.

I once misjudged the gap between two bollards and got catupulted off into a dog turd which I then slid through, smearing shit from my shoulder, all the down my front, one leg and onto my shoe.

I'd rather have just hurt myself.

Done.

Yeah, but I bet nobody stole you.

I got home without further incident, that's true...

I came off after hooning back from town. Thought I'd be clever and weave in and out the broken white lines of a diabled parking in space. Those bad boys are close together! Did a nifty face grind along the floor, luckily I was wearing a beenie hat and it slid down my face as I face-slid. Got up with the hat over my face thining I was blind!

After an all day drinking session watching / celebrating the RWC final on sunday I managed to; A) Get lost traveling from Clapham Junction to Balham (2 miles max). B) Take 2hrs doing said journey. C) Fall off approx 5 times and bruise/cut/scrape myself all over (unconfirmed number, I may have in fact underestimated my bails) D) Lose my sunglasses. Plus I now need to re-tape my bars as they're wrecked.
Good times.

Oh just remembered I came off drunk another time! Another face-plant, the day before I when on holiday. Had a nice black eye in the holiday snaps.

I have genuinely fond memories of cycling back from work drunk and high, when I was a wee 16 year old chef in very, very rural North Wales.
It was a 3 mile cycle on roads without any streetlamps, or other cars. I did get attacked by badgers once, but that's another story.
My best/worst night was after a late night at work (we were celebrating something), so more drunk than usual, then the regular few spliffs by the reservoir then home to the parents. Fuck knows how long it took me to get home as I seemed to forget how to turn corners so I'd go straight for 10 metres, at which point I'd encounter a corner, THINK to myself "Ooh, I need to turn, there's a corner coming" and as I mulled that over go straight into the hedge.
I did this repeatedly for 3 Miles.
I wasn't in any danger as I was going incredibly slowly, it was summer so the hedges were green and comfy and there wasn't another person for miles.
Good, good times.

Riding in the city? Done that. Always feel like a prick the next day, especially when I managed to fuck my neck up beasting it up Honor Oak Hill on my way back from Peckham last week. Fuck knows how I managed it, I think I must have not realised quite how much effort I was putting in.