I hate

I'm gonna spit in his tea tommorow

The wrong answer

I'm gonna spunk in his mum tomorrow

The right answer

I'm gonna spunk in his tea and spit in his mum tomorrow.

The best of both worlds.

Finish line wet lube

In his tea, not his mum

I use the word business quite a lot, nature of my business

If your business is dog's business or cat business or fox business that's fine.

If it's vague businessy kind of business then I'm not interested.

goes to poke sticks at bits of shit

Ow!

edlad a tiny bit of sellotape over the mouth piece of his phone is a quick way to piss him off as he has to shout into the phone to everyone and when he gets somebody to fix it take it off and do it on the next one. Ive been doing it off and on again to my colleague for months. 4 phones so far.

The fact that my visa is going to expire next week and I have to spend 8 hours on a coach going to Oman and back.

"We need to reclaim the word 'feminism'. We need the word 'feminism' back real bad. When statistics come in saying that only 29% of American women would describe themselves as feminist - and only 42% of British women - I used to think, What do you think feminism IS, ladies? What part of 'liberation for women' is not for you? Is it freedom to vote? The right not to be owned by the man you marry? The campaign for equal pay? 'Vogue' by Madonna? Jeans? Did all that good shit GET ON YOUR NERVES? Or were you just DRUNK AT THE TIME OF THE SURVEY?"

• Caitlin Moran
  
  

patronising cunt.

The fact that my visa is going to expire next week and I have to spend 8 hours on a coach going to Oman and back.

Can't you get a 'business' visa?

Snap his bagette

Stamp on his onions

knock his beret off.

defeat him in naval warfare

fuck his wife

LOL, you kill me.

Although I did leave out the tanks and stukkas one, because I felt it was a weak spot.

The fact that my visa is going to expire next week and I have to spend 8 hours on a coach going to Oman and back.

Say hello to the goats at the border. They're cute.

I should imagine they are, but probably on their way to being eaten by some Bedouin people.

Polo shirts with button down collars. WTF??

Seventh wave mods.

Or just hipsters.

Everyone knows that there's only one polo shirt.

Truth! We're talking about the Smedley long-sleeve merino, right?

Everyone knows that there's only one polo shirt.

I always read "I hate" and then whatever thread is beneath it, e.g. "I hate trainers", "I hate Movember" etc. It's often true.

I hate rugby

Truth! We're talking about the Smedley long-sleeve merino, right?

Want.

I hate rugby

I used to have to drive there every day when delivering motor supplies, I'm not fussed about the town but the drive down was a total mish, since all my other drops were around Worcs and Brum, then I had this boring drive down there, even describing it is boring

Black ice!

The word 'chapeau'

Chapeau!