I hate

About 20 years ago, there was a computer training company called WaveTech who got really into the boot camp idea for tech training. I mean, really into it. The advertising for the courses was dominated by an army boot with dog tags hung across them and a GI helmet in the background.

And the name they gave the course...

Well, they were called WaveTech and it was a Boot Camp.

So they called it "Camp Wave". In big letters above the army boots and helmet.

The ads ran in the computer press for several months before somebody with a brain cell told them how it looked.

I also have always hated computer training courses being called boot camps, so I had a good laugh over that one.

I’ve just seen a twat on my street using a leaf blower. Rake them up and bin them like a real man you fucking div.

A leaf blower is mechanically really close to a vacuum cleaner right? That would make about a million times more sense that just blowing them around, surely?

That'd depend on how often you'd want to change the vacuum bags.

Unless of course that you have a massive sack. Guffaw.

I’m going to rake the leaves from our garden and put them all over his lawn in the dead of night.

He’s a twat. Drives a fuck off 4x4.

Put them in his gutters. We’ve got a (council owned) tree directly outside our house that regularly fills our gutters with leaves. Makes rainwater cascade down our windows unless we spend a fortune getting them cleared out constantly.

I don’t like heights but I might ram some up the exhaust of his car.

Doors that can't be opened with one hand

Along with the obligatory frozen sausages hammered in to his lawn?

Gutter guards?

Put leaf blower in lower aperture of drainpipe, turn on, observe gutter-leaf fountain?

Curtain pole brackets. Not. Supplied. With. Screws. It's Sunday night. Where the fuck am I going to get the fixings. Cunts.

Genius. I’ve done a complete about turn on leaf blowers.

Hammer frozen sausages into your own walls?

Turned over a new leaf, etc...

Gave up. Drunk beer instead.

This happens to the toothpaste too.

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You clean your teeth with squeezy cheese?

Whomever did that needs to be shot, then stabbed then shot again and stabbed a little bit more! Utter fucking twats!

Edit: but then again it's fucking squirty fuckin cheese in a tube, you must be stabbed, shot...........

Who doesn't, you mean.

8/10 dairy farmers recommend it.

Since when does squirty cheese in a tube have anything to do with dairy?

I wanted something on toast and couldn't have lived with taramasalata breath all morning.

My dog loves this stuff. I make a point of not eating the same food as him, though.

1980s 1st world problems

Quickly sends concept of 'Minty Taramasalata' to Waitrose food development lab as cornerstone of new range of breath-freshening 'Breakfast spreads' to compliment (ludicrous) breakfast biscuits.