Does anyone know anything about gardening?

Might try some as well as the Rhubarb Chutney I make every year which is needs long maturation but is a store cupboard staple.

+1 for rhubarb and ginger jam, not had it in years but its one of those tastes that instantly transports me back to my childhood, which is quite an achievement as that was many years ago.

I'm just back from my mums in Wales who has a polytunnel and pretty big garden and its all systems go on planting now after the end of days rain thats lasted months. She got well into fruit last year, with the biggest and tastiest raspberries I've ever had. Green bean chutney was also ace depsite sounding a bit meh, but the stand out one I thought was the blackcurrent jam, omg, simply the best most zingy jam I've ever had, it was like a amphetamine rush, but nice.

Someone talk to me about orchids. I got one given to me, it's slowly dying.
It's inside, relatively warm. Anything to look out for?

Hasten it's demise. They need more care than a small child.

Not too much water I think .. but I've never been able to keep one alive ...

My wife seems expert in looking after them; I can kill them with a glance.
Will ask her.

Is it a moth orchid, phaelanopsis? They can flower every three months, stand it in rain water then let it drain?

That looks like the one. The leaves are v similar.
I shall drain it (not that it's soaking) and see. Poor thing probably needs light. It's in the hall way.

Ugh, children!

When should I start thinking about tomatoes? I want to grow a shit load on our balcony (East facing).

They need proper warmth and a frost will kill them, so I'd hold off for a month or two yet.

Word. Cheers, Andy.

You also have to think about watering too - is your balcony open to the elements or will you have to ensure a regular water (and feed)? I only mention this as I've grown them at home and even a week away has caused them some distress.

Off the top of my head it causes a blossom end rot (it's water stress that does it but I think it's actually minearl related).

Hasten it's demise.

[/Victorian villain]

Ours seem to do ok on the bathroom window ledge. Definitely don't over water. Give them a soak with orchid food every now and then and then let them drain. Proper orchid pots that lift them above the bottom of the pot seem to help too.

Maybe I'll just get my tomatoes from tesco.

Maybe I'll just get my tomatoes from tesco.

Maybe I'll just get my tomatoes from tesco.

Tomatoes are low maintenance, you just have to ensure they don't get hit by a frost when they are young. Once they've begun to grow all you have to do is water them regularly, give them the odd feed, keep an eye out for blight and thats about it.

^And tie back and support the stems as they climb. Last year I had issues with the weight of the fruit actually breaking stems.

Also, hold off feeding till the first trusses of fruit have set.

My dad swears by a pretty brutal pruning back of side-shoots and leaves once the tomaties are established. I think the theory is to ensure as much sun as possible gets to the fruit.

Seemed to work for me last year. I had a constant supply from July to almost the end of the year. Am germinating from seed this year. Well, attempting to anyway.

So... Tesco?

So... Tesco?

No, don't give up so soon you half-arsed excuse for a gardener!

If you really can't be bothered with pruning, tying, staking, pinching out and all that crap then just buy a variety that is happy to sprawl. These generally produce cherry tomatoes and can be quite heavy cropping. I tried Hundreds and Thousands, which worked well, but there are others. Plant some seeds in small pots, once they've grown to a few inches tall, transfer them to a big pot/basket and just let them run. They'll need water and food, but then so do most plants.

Cheers! I will begin my tomato farming career imminently (well, in a month or so, following Andy's advise). I had a few plants last year, but I didn't plant them. But they did thrive under my expert oversight.

Tomatoes

They need proper warmth and a frost will kill them, so I'd hold off for a month or two yet.

I've just started to grow some from seed on the windowsill. Felt like a good time to give them a go. Am I too early?

Sadly I think I may have killed my coffee plant by moving it outdoors too early.

The leaves have gone floppy.

it happens to us all

Tomatoes
I've just started to grow some from seed on the windowsill. Felt like a good time to give them a go. Am I too early?

No, bringing seeds on indoors is fine, although you have to watch out for them getting too leggy, for the want of a better word, so get them outdoors on warm days once they're established. You just have to be careful about leaving them outdoors at night as a frost will kill them.

Righto. Cheers :)