This morning's commute and other commuting stories

I've seen someone plucking their eyebrows on the tube, that is strange.

this is your ideal bus:

It's a fucking bus, people that don't do those things can afford not to use the bus or are smug cycling cunts like us.

http://www.debretts.com/etiquette/transport-and-travel/public-transport.aspx
Maybe make the content of this into flyers and hand them out to people who are perceived to have overstepped the mark.

Hair-styling... if it is a quick brush or comb to relatively short, clean, tidy hair then fine - if it is ages brushing through long hair, pulling hair out of the brush and dropping it on the floor, dandruff going everywhere, or using hairspray then completely unacceptable.

As an aside applying spray on deodorent or wearing too much perfume / aftershave is another fucking unacceptable thing to do on public transport / anywhere in public.

Jeez jeez. You don't ask much do you! If I ever meet you, I swear I'll try my best to emit every form of gas and fluid a human can make in one go, just as I'm shaking your hand.

I tend to do that upon any human contact anyway.

Doesn't even have to be human most of the time.

Just a fleeting glance...

Sometimes a word, overheard...

The flow of a sentence within a thread on a forum...

Oooooooh was that as good for you as it was for me?

Nah, but we can try again in a bit if you're up to it.

Ok, gimme 20 and we'll go again.

I thought I was the one trying to make money here.

minutes...

That was the spot, I'm off to clean up. Where did that beaker go?

I tend to do that upon any human contact anyway.

you really are special.

Thank you.

As an aside I have *often* wondered what the maximum number of fluids / solids a human can emit from their body at the same time. Blood, sweat and tears whilst shitting and pissing has got to be possible if you put together the preparation. If you managed to spit and blow your nose at the same time you'd be damn good. If you switched pissing for ejaculation you really are special.

I'd like to know how often.

P.S. My commute up the most boring road in the universe was distinctly average this morning, fairly sure I didn't actually wake up until I got to uni

My chain snapped on Old Kent Road yesterday am, by Burgess Park, and the nearest open bike shop (no chain tool in kit, sadly) was Evans at London Bridge - a long way for the coasting-with-cleats shuffle of shame. I'd also never realised that OKR to Great Dover St is veeeery slightly uphill.

SO I was feeling fairly chipper despite being very late for work, and looking forward to a shorter cycle to the pub, when I realised that some dick at work has pinched my rear light from the bike (which was in the secure bike parking in the basement). I mean, is there a more petty thing than to steal a light when it's dark outside?

/venting

My chain snapped on Old Kent Road yesterday am, by Burgess Park, and the nearest open bike shop (no chain tool in kit, sadly) was Evans at London Bridge - a long way for the coasting-with-cleats shuffle of shame. I'd also never realised that OKR to Great Dover St is veeeery slightly uphill.

SO I was feeling fairly chipper despite being very late for work, and looking forward to a shorter cycle to the pub, when I realised that some dick at work has pinched my rear light from the bike (which was in the secure bike parking in the basement). I mean, is there a more petty thing than to steal a light when it's dark outside?

/venting

Fucking irritating. I once went down to get changed for my commute home one Winter's evening to find someone had taken my biblongs. But had left my base layer and winter jersey and shoes.

My commute up the most boring road in the universe was distinctly average this morning, fairly sure I didn't actually wake up until I got to uni

Why you no doing PB's on the Lewes Road Strava segments then?

Because leave me alone

Edit: Sworldy, 7x PB this morning

My chain snapped on Old Kent Road yesterday am, by Burgess Park, and the nearest open bike shop (no chain tool in kit, sadly) was Evans at London Bridge - a long way for the coasting-with-cleats shuffle of shame. I'd also never realised that OKR to Great Dover St is veeeery slightly uphill.

SO I was feeling fairly chipper despite being very late for work, and looking forward to a shorter cycle to the pub, when I realised that some dick at work has pinched my rear light from the bike (which was in the secure bike parking in the basement). I mean, is there a more petty thing than to steal a light when it's dark outside?

/venting

You weren't by any chance riding a Giant Cadex with a shiny new SRAM groupset, were you? If so, I was the chap riding behind you and staring an horror as a headless silver snake fell from your bike and writhed around on the tarmac.

As an aside I have often wondered what the maximum number of fluids / solids a human can emit from their body at the same time. Blood, sweat and tears whilst shitting and pissing has got to be possible if you put together the preparation. If you managed to spit and blow your nose at the same time you'd be damn good. ** If you switched pissing for ejaculation you really are special**.

You wouldn't know if you were coming or going...