Jokes / Joke du jour!

oh my.

My version is clearly "worst"...

Just different.

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but the light bulb has to want to change.

Oh well, if we are on the old light bulb jokes...

How many artists does it take to change a light bulb?

At least ten: One to change the light bulb and nine to sneer that they did it first...

how many curators does it take?

Just one, they hold the bulb and the world turns around them.

It takes 20 Americans...
1 to change the bulb, 19 to say "Gee Whizz" and take photographs.

• How many Art Directors / Stylists does it take to change a light bulb?

• I'm not sure, how many do you think?

How do you know if a drummer is at your door?

The knocking speeds up.

How do you know if the stage is level?

The drummer dribbles out both sides of his mouth.

What's the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?

You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once.

Why did Nivea cream?
Because Max Factor.

oh my.

lets hope that doesn't appear in grandma's christmas cracker

What's got three legs and a c@nt?

A drum stool.

Can anyone remember the one about the band who are on stage playing a set when they realise the a&r guy from Sony is in the crowd?

In football:

Real Madrid - 2
Surreal Madrid - Fish

How do you get down from an elephant?

You don't, you get down from a duck

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus giggle?

Ten tickles.

Why did the model stare at the orange juice?

Because she was on Ketamine

Q: What do you call Santa's elves?
A: Subordinate clauses

I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of vampires.

I was charged with shoplifting on three counts.

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus giggle?

Ten tickles.

Nice, but maybe works better with squid?

Your a squid

cuttle it out

Let's move past this and get kraken on.

I ink you're on to something there.

Oh, for cod's hake!

I can't take a nemo.