Jokes / Joke du jour!

I couldn't sleep last night because of the live music at the Clutha pub opposite so I complained to the authorities.

To be fair, the police came down on them like a ton of bricks.

yeah that Ska band really tore the roof off the place etc.....

I guess that proves pigs can't fly etc...

Carefull about what you say about the police, they'll come down on you like a ton of bricks.

Brendan Rodgers.

Thousands are said to be gathering outside Nelson Mandela's house. ...... .......

Del Boy and Rodney have told them to Fuck off

did you think of that yourself?

0.5/10

No. Show me an original joke on the thread. I dare you.

I double dare you. x

Wow. That's dire.

No. Show me an original joke on the thread. I dare you.

I double dare you. x

ok. 'original' doesnt nescessarily mean 'funny' though...

http://www.lfgss.com/post3789768-3552.html

http://www.lfgss.com/post3789769-3553.html

http://www.lfgss.com/post3781253-3543.html

http://www.lfgss.com/post3691696-3494.html

I like sworld's joke. It has a big blank bit in the middle. Possibly the biggest blank space I've ever seen in a post. it's like being lost for a second, a feeling of weightlessness as you scroll through it. Trouble was by the time I got to the punch line I forgot the beginning bit and I didnt want to scroll back up incase I got lost.

Well Willy.

It certainly doesn't when you link four poor jokes you made yourself.

So back to double dare again...

I think you're moving the goalposts now. You only specified 'original'. Anyway, I'm quite enyoing re-reading the thread so its all good x

http://www.lfgss.com/post3399036-2889.html

Are people holding back from the 'Nissan main dealer' classic?

psychic derek acorah's been arrested following a car crash

he didn't see that one coming

A guy is taking his girlfriend to prom. He waits in the ticket line for a really long time but gets them.
He goes to rent a limo, the rental line is really long but he eventually does it.
He goes to buy her flowers. The line at the florist is out the door but he waits and he gets them.
Finally, at prom, she asks him to get her some punch. He goes to the refreshment table and there's no punchline.

^Maybe there was some kind of 'take a ticket' system.

I told my friend that she drew her eyebrows on too high, she looked surprised.

What's Miley Cyrus' favourite newspaper?

The Socialist Werker

Winner of the 5K Discovery Gold Christmas Joke competition on Twitter

What does Miley Cyus have for Christmas dinner?

Twerky

I told my friend that she drew her eyebrows on too high, she looked surprised.

Schtolen, repped etc

Michael Barrymore is pleased that Tom Daley's gay because at least he can swim.

Victor Meldrew joke - YouTube

Need some inspiration. What is the worst joke ever told?