Awkward Moments

My mate Neil is 6'6". He looks like a friendly version of the The Kurgan off Highlander.
Because of his height he has a thing for tall girls, and they have a thing for him.

Anyway, he met a really beautiful woman in a pub, handed her his number and arranged to go on a date.
The problem was, they were so dazzled by each other that they couldn't face going on a first date alone. They needed wingmen/wingwomen.
She arranged to go out with a few friends then meet The Kurgan at eight. He pleaded for me to be his wingman. I couldn't do it - I was on holiday in Crete. He begged me, and I CHANGED MY FLIGHTS TO COME HOME A DAY EARLY.
Top mate, I know.
Anyhoo, the day came, I flew home, unpacked my duty free gin then met my mate in the pub.
Half an hour later this lass rocks up with her mates. I thought I might try hitting on one of them, but my uncanny ability to guess a girl's bra size in a single glance didn't seem to impress.
These lasses had a drink, we all chatted nicely, then prepared to leave the lovebirds to it.
But I noticed they had both frozen. Sweating, nervous, they weren't even talking, just grinning madly at each other.
The Kurgan collared me.
"Don't go!! Don't leave us! I haven't got a fucking clue what to say or do! I've lost it!!"
I agree to stick around for another pint.
The other girls have gone, so it's me and these two nutters.
I keep the conversation rolling a bit while quickly downing my pint. I try to leave but the lass won't let me.
"Don't go!! We... we need you to stay!"
She's shitting it too!! They are obviously really into each other but haven't got a clue how to express it. I'm feeling distinctly uncomfortable at this point, but I remember the wingman code of honour and stick it out.
Eventually I say I'm going. They want to come with me. I tell them my house is a wreck - literally. I was renovating it and the front room was a five foot pile of rubble and the only room not fucked was the bedroom.
They force me to let them come home with me.
I get drinks, and find them necking on my bed.
I sit on the rubble in my front room until midnight while thy cop off on my bed.
I let them get it on for a bit before I call time.
They both lived with their parents at the time and didn't want to go home, so I'm stuck with two drunk giants (who have finished off my duty free by the way) who want to get into my bed. I very reluctantly say they can stay, but literally the only place for me to sleep is the bedroom floor. The rest of the house is a bomb site. Yes, that's right, I let them have the bed.
I make them promise not to fuck, then I curl up on the floor under my manky holiday beach towel.
I drowse for a bit, then the noise starts.
The drawn out slurping, the muffled moaning.
She's sucking him off.
About two feet away from me.
"Stop that!"
I'm like their bloody mum.
Slurp slurp groan groan.
"Aww, give over, will you? I'm trying to kip and I'm freezing!"
Sluuuuuuuurp moan moan.
I give up, and lay there listening to my mate getting a mighty blow job in my bed while I lay on the floor like a fucking dog.
Next day there was zero eye contact.

A bit later they got married.
I told this story as my best man's speech.

Very, very awkward, but it was sweet revenge.