Rant

Thanks to a few people I have never actually met, who are haIf my age there's every chance I may have some dirty ailment. Absolutely doused in cups of warm piss last night... Twice! Never happened in 24 years of going to gigs. I think I'd understand it if we'd been at a pub gig in 78 or I'd been in the crossfire when Keanu Reeves attempted Reading Festival, but Arctic Monkeys? They comb their hair on stage for fucks sake and this stuff was flying in all directions.

Dodgy little Loreal gel encrusted, Ben Sherman sporting runts who think gigging and stag dos on the Costa Del Cunt are interchangable can fuck right off. If only any of us had had the ability to freeze time, observe the yellow arc and define the culprits there would have been some medieval retribution dealt out last night and no mistake. If you're so excited by glittery fireworks and loud music that you can't control your bladder your owners shouldn't let you out at night.

Guess that'll learn me for waiting until a band are playing in echoey corporate hellchambers before doling out my hard earned to see them live. Arena gigs can fuck right off but pubescent trollspawn on a fucking lads night should restrict themselves to the pavement outside 'Crystals' where very violent bouncers can identify them for the twats they are and bash them about until they learn to keep their Hep B riddled scumjuice where it belongs..