Running

I got my email today, been honoured with selection for the Piece of String. The deal is that you turn up and they give you a map and tell you to start running. When you get back they give you another map and tell you where to go next. You never know how far you are going or when they will let you stop until they finally tell you you're finished.

Last year's turned out to be c.130 miles, we'll find out in a few months how long this year's episode is, could be 100 metres, could be 300 miles:

Dear Valued Idiot.

There has been a problem with your email account. Someone has accessed your account and has been impersonating you without your knowledge.

You are now a member of the Justin Blieber preservation society, your hair products will be in the mail shortly.

You are now a proud sponsor of Henry the Tortoise and you have generously offered to subscribe to the “millionaire” adoption package where Henry will be fed nothing but caviar and have personal shell massage every day for all his remaining years.

All 400 of them.

You have just now emailed your boss and said you have to quit because you find his style of micromanagement and strong body odour strangely erotic and you find it hard to be around him now without dreaming of running away together to Romford.

But if he feels the same then you’ll meet him in the boardroom at 8am on Monday.

And your Morris dancing outfit (size XS) will be delivered early next week in time for your first lesson on Friday.

But these are the least of your problems.

You registered your interest in the Piece of String race. A race so pointless it has sometimes been referred to as the “Nick Clegg” of races. A race so miserable that Coldplay couldn’t bring themselves to write a song about it as they were concerned it would cause a mass suicide. A race so stupid that when Forrest Gump came to visit he felt it appropriate to wear a t-shirt with “I’m with stupid” when sat next to one of the competitors.

And at 10am on FRIDAY the 29th November you’ll be at the start line taking part.

You really should be more diligent with your personal data. And book the week off of work.

Location: Morell Room Streatley. RG8 9HT.

All other details to follow but plan on having one bag that acts as a drop bag for many many many points on the course, and one finish line bag.

SO now you have a few months to prepare for the World’s most pointless race. I’d love to give you some advice on how to prepare for it however no one has any idea what you’ll be doing when the time comes.

Let’s just hope that Henry lives long enough to see you finish.

Kind Disregards.

The Piece of String Team.

Fuck yeah!