Football

Seems like Maureen is already cracking up.

Worst start to the season by any Chelsea manager in the Abramovich era.

Desperate for goals when Daniel Sturridge is scoring for fun.

Boo's already ringing around Stamford Bridge. It's rapidly becoming like the Emirates, but with more embarrassing banners and plastic flags.

There were no boos nor, incidentally, plastic flags there last night.

From the Corniad (with added emphasis for those whose senses are obviously in decline).

Clive left early to avoid the queues on the District Line.