Rapha, nice but a bit pricey?

Sudocreme doesn't really allow that much movement, plus it soaks through the chamois and leaves a lovely greasy patch on your bibshorts/saddle. You will also smell like a baby.

Ugh no way. Would not want to use cocoa butter for a long ride - it just turns into this weird gunk after a while.
Tiger balm, great for very cold winter days, but fuck applying that when you just want to warm your legs up a bit before a race or a chilly summer morning - your legs would be on fire by 11am.

How about a big dose of MTFU? ;)