• Worst I've done is nipped into the pub beside the train station to pinch one off before heading home (would far rather have shat in my own loo but I was never going to last).

    What I thought would be a small log was actually the plug holding in what must have been about 7 or 8lbs of steaming chocolate iceberg. It was well above the waterline when I'd finished.

    I did an initial wipe but it was clear much more was needed but I was worried about blocking the bog so I flushed. The water rose. And continued rising. My turd pile was going nowhere. I pulled my trews up as fast as I could over my still shitty arse and legged it out the pub as sewerage started to flood out of the bathrooms.

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