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@lae
Heard some belters today:
A man goes to his doctor.
Doctor: I don't really know how to tell you this, but you've simply got to stop masturbating.
Man: Why?!
Doctor: So I can examine you!
An old Jewish man goes to the toilet in the night and leaves the seat up. His wife goes to the toilet after him, in the dark, and falls right into the toilet. She calls out to him - he tries to pull her out, but she's stuck. He calls a plumber, the plumber knocks on the door and is let into the house. The lady grabs the closest thing to hand to cover her modesty. The plumber walks in and sees the lady stuck in the toilet holding a yarmulke over her groin - the plumber says "Yeah, I can get your wife out fine, but the Rabbi I can't help you with".