The War on Britain's Roads (BBC Documentary / tabloid tv)

Don't you understand? Cycling is OVER you cretins.
Gone, done, OUT.

Commuters: you self righteous little buffoons, get on the train, that's what it's for. Or are you worried there'll be nobody to feel superior to? Get a grip, you're a graphic designer not Zdenek Stybar.

Leisure cyclists: Leave those Halfords specials in the garage where they live the other 364 days a year, nobody needs your incredulous excursions into London's pressured parks. Stay indoors, get a bargain bucket and let the kids play X-box ffs.

'Racing' cyclists: You're not Wiggins, you're not Hoy. In fact you bear a closer resemblance to Hoy's dad. Replica tour kit makes you look like a 4 year old child in a Batman suit without any of the humour or endearment. Relax, sell the turbo trainer you never use, have a couple of beers, a round of golf, there that's much better for your dicky heart isn't it?

Couriers: Are there still losers doing this? It's all computers these days, companies don't want your vile effluvia in their reception. Stop trying to look like hipsters, you can't afford it. Get back into army surplus and MTBs with slicks or you know where the dole office is.

So-called 'professionals', yes cycle 'trainers', 'coaches' yeah yeah, whatever. Most of you can't even ride a fucking bike and you spend all your time saying what a wonderful job you're doing for other people. Bullshit you're doing it to feed your own planet-sized ego. Your time has come, go back under whatever middle-management stone you crawled out from, or do something really useful, like sweep the streets.

Hope this helps

You're just jealous that other 'cyclists' can turn right.