The Ultimate Riding Jacket?

That does not look like it's going to pack down into its own stuffsack, but you get points for ticking most of the boxes.

Now I just need to save up for a year.

This is a very nice jacket. If it got lost however, you would spend an eternity in Sports Direct, depressed and lingering near the camping equipment. Slumped on Airwalk boxes like someone who mistook Sports Direct for JD Wetherspoons.